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The Five Best Guys to Be at the Bar With

Drunk and Generous

I’m not saying this isn’t absolutely taking advantage of someone, but typically if a guy is doing this, he’s got the money to spend. I’m of the mindset that if someone offers you a free drink, you take it and ask no questions. When this guy gets a few drinks in him, he releases his inner-Oprah and goes on a charitable run of alcohol donation. He wants to do this, so it would be rude to say no. With that, though, you may want to mix in a beer for him every once in a while to keep the good karma going.

The Gays

There does not exist a better wing-man at a bar than a gay guy. He’ll automatically attract girls around you because, let’s face it, he’s way more fun for the drunk girls than any of his straight counterparts. From there, you have the opportunity to cash in on the fact that he is not at all interested in vagina, which doesn’t take much because as much as any girl you hit on will probably have a better time with your gay wingman, he’s not going to swoop in and forget that he’s supposed to be throwing you the oop.

The Wildcard

As much as this guy can be an absolute menace to your night, more often than not, you end up on an adventure that ends up being a core memory in your drinking career. He’ll make you leave a bar filled with women to strike out with to go to a dive bar that’s population is four sixty-year-old men who drop slurs in every sentence before he Ubers everyone to the casino and wins $600 on his first slot pull that he loses on a roulette spin ten minutes later. Embrace the Wildcard. He’s a direct pipeline to fantastic stories.

The Regular

There’s nothing better than showing up to a bar that one of your friends goes to every night of the week. He’ll be greeted like a king the moment you guys walk in, and because he’s spent a semester’s worth of college tuition at this place, the bartenders will offer up a round for him and his crew, so it pays to be a member of the gang. With any luck, you’ll get associated with him enough that you might even start to get that same treatment.

The Sober

If you’ve got a friend that likes to go out to bars and dance and talk to people but doesn’t drink, count your blessings. This guy’s giving you the opportunity to get a ride both ways, avoiding Uber waits and jacked up charges. Throw him gas money to make it worth his while because a few bucks here and there will keep him willing to do it and you able to compensate not having to pay for rides by purchasing more drinks.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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