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The Five Types of People at Every Pre-Game

The Sober

For whatever reason, this idiot isn’t drinking at the pre-game. The Sober will sit off to the side and scroll through Instagram posts that they’ve already seen four, maybe five times just to make everyone else think that they’re somehow enjoying themselves. Usually a complete fucking buzz kill, it’s best to keep your distance from The Sober. 

The Singer

This may or may not – you know what, fuck it. I’m the singer. This is the person that the second any ounce of alcohol touches their lips, will immediately begin singing every song that’s being played. This person is almost always one of the more intoxicated people at the pregame and they can range from being painstakingly annoying to the life of the party (I’m The Singer, and I’m most definitely the latter).

The Competitor

It doesn’t matter if you’re playing pong, beer die, rage cage (stack cup), flip cup – whatever fucking game is being played. The Competitor won’t leave the table. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re good at whatever game is being played; it simply means that they love the sport of drinking games so much that they need to be completely involved at all times. They’ll often offer unwanted advice, and they can usually be heard begging someone for a celeb shot.

The Schemer

The schemer refuses to go to a pregame unless it’s got both chicks and dicks. These slimy fucks will spend the entire time they’re there trying to figure out who they’re going to go home with that night. Schemers are often talented in their ways, but there are also many who fail miserably every single time. Those are the ones you might want to consider no longer inviting to the pregame.

The Zombie

This is the person that started drinking for a noon gameday at seven in the morning and hasn’t stopped since. Everyone else was able to get in a nap, some food, and rally, but this person never stopped. They’ve been drinking for thirteen straight hours, and by the time everyone else starts to feel loose, you’ll see them passed out and blacked out on the couch. They rarely make it out of the pregame, and when they are actually able to leave, it’s usually a complete disaster.

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Written by TFM

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