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The Four Worst Inventions in Human History

Spirit Airlines

Will I be taking Spirit to and from Florida for spring break this year? Yes. Am I thrilled about it? Absolutely not. It’s great that Spirit is so cheap, but for fuck’s sake, they must have decided that their game plan was to make the most uncomfortable plane riding experience of all time. I would compare the comfort of their seats to those of the Greyhound busses, but that would be insulting to the Greyhound. I genuinely feel like I’m riding the SEPTA (Philly public transportation) when I have to spend time sitting in a seat on a flight from Spirit Airlines.

Shake Weight

I don’t know whose idea it was to create this thing, but they had to be high. There’s no other way anyone would think that a piece of exercise equipment that essentially mimics giving a hand-job was a good idea. I was like twelve when the commercials for those things were coming out, and even then, I knew it was incredibly sus. If you’re looking to see shake weights made fun of heavily, the episode “Crème Fraiche” of South Park.

Credit Card Chips

What the fuck was wrong with just swiping your card in the machine? Seriously. I feel like a good 50% of the time I end up having to swipe my card anyway, and when I don’t I inevitably end up pulling the card out too soon because the chip reader gives you fourteen different instructions on when to leave it in and when to take it out. I recently upgraded to tap to pay, though, and that shit is awesome.

Automatic Toilets

There is nothing worse to me than when I am mid-way through a long piss, and all of a sudden, the toilet goes off and begins flushing. I understand that there is a bit of sanitation reasoning behind having toilets that don’t require you to touch them in order to flush, but I genuinely feel like it’s still useless. When I take a leak in a public bathroom without an automatic toilet, I use my foot to flush. It’s that simple. I know when I’m finished taking a piss, so I don’t need the toilet to tell me that I’m done.

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Written by TFM

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