The Fraternity Dictionary

1. The members of a University’s staff who solely exist to prevent you from having as much fun as possible.
We wanted to build a water slide out of the third story window but the administration said we couldn’t.

1. An underground room in a fraternity house where bonds between pledge brothers are enhanced.
Get in the fucking basement, pledge.

1. To remove a creepy, awkward, or otherwise undesirable pledge from membership before he slips through the cracks.
So are we gonna blackball the kid who choked a Zeta in the shower or not?

1. An often times optional part of the collegiate experience.
There’s no way I’m making it to class today.
2. A quality that many sorority girls claim to have hours before consuming their body weight in cheap alcohol and puking in a bar bathroom.
Show some class, ladies. Hold my hair.

Date Function
/dāt fəNGkSHən/
1. A sorority function typically accompanied by inter-fraternal fights and a sweeping blackout for all who attend.
I’m not sure what happened at the date function, but the girl I woke up with wasn’t my date.

Designated Driver
/dezignāted drīvər/
1. A pledge who is personally responsible for every brothers’ safety on a given night.
I don’t know why the designated driver is taking so long, but I’m going to punch him in the balls when he gets here.

1. Something you probably should have studied harder for.
There’s an exam today? Fuck.

1. An out of town fraternity event characterized by a hellacious bus ride blackout, a coat-and-tie dinner where no one acts appropriately, and an overbearing aura of debauchery.
I still need a date for formal. Know anyone who will for sure put out?
2. An upscale manner of dress that typically leads to excessive alcohol consumption and regrettable decision making.
Formal dress required? Guess we’re blacking the fuck out then.

1. A male member of the youngest collegiate class that fraternity members pretend to like until the moment their bid is accepted.
If you make me talk to one more freshman, I’m going to stab you in the scrotum.
2. The most desirable group of females on a college campus.
I just really want to fuck a freshman tonight. Is that so wrong?

/jē dē ī/
1. The irrelevant members of your college campus who frequently attempt to hand you fliers with information about shit you don’t care about.
I don’t know who invited the GDI over, but him and his longboard have got to go.

1. A completely unnecessary and ill-advised part of the college experience.
Sorry guys, I can’t go out. I’m a huge pussy and have to hang with my girlfriend.

Grand Little
/grand litl/
1. Typically the most desirable and the skinniest member of a sorority family.
All I need is the Grand Little and I’ll have run through the entire family.

1. An illegal act that never, ever happens in a fraternity house. We swear.
And then I told the little idiot that we don’t haze!

/ī ef si/
1. The governing body of campus fraternities.
Guys, IFC is stopping by rush tonight so please try to keep your boozing subtle.

1. Athletic competitions on college campuses where fraternity members compete against each other in sports they haven’t been good at since high school.
We play those chodes next door in intramurals tonight. If you guys don’t win, at least get some hard fouls in.

Jungle Juice
/jəNGgəl jo͞os/
1. A combination of grain alcohol and various fruit juices that somehow manages to never taste the same as the last time.
I don’t know what’s in this Jungle Juice, but for some reason I can’t feel my tongue anymore.

1. A pledge bonding experience that sharpens the bonds of unity in a recruitment class.
We’ve got a lineup Wednesday night, and I can’t wait to crush that one cocky kid’s soul.
2. A command commonly given to the pledges when they inevitably fuck something up.
That’s it you little shit heads, line the fuck up.

1. An event where a fraternity and sorority meet one another at a common location. Typically categorized by the rampant sexual encounters that follow.
We’ve got a mixer with [the slutty house] tonight. If you don’t get laid, consider the night a failure.
2. A sugary liquid one adds to his drink when he’s acting like a little pussy.
Aww, Prescott needs a mixer with his whiskey! Want me to put a nipple on that for you?

1. The biggest assholes on campus.
I’ve never met one of them, but fuck our neighbors. They’re worthless.

New Orleans
/n(y)o͞o orliənz/
1. A dirty, disgusting city that also happens to be one of the most fun places on Earth.
Alright guys, please just try not to get arrested in New Orleans this time.

1. An excuse to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and get inexplicably trashed. Also has something to do with charity.
We’ve got kegs and eggs set up for the Theta philanthropy this weekend.

1. The newest member of a fraternity who can’t seem to do anything right.
Where the fuck is a pledge when I need one?
1. To strive for membership in a fraternity, yet constantly fail time and time again.
These little shits have no idea how to pledge. I say we blackball every single one.

Pledge Class President
/plej klas prezədent/
1. The shiniest turd of the bunch.
Make the pledge class president figure it out. That kid doesn’t hate his life nearly enough yet.

1. A week long event on campus where hordes of 18-year-old girls cry and hug a lot.
It’s recruitment week, guys. Get ready for the sausage fest.

/rōd trip/
1. A journey across the country based solely around the desire to drink the same kind of alcohol in a slightly different setting.
Can’t wait for next week’s roadtrip. I’m not gonna remember a second of it.

1. A necessary obstacle between the brotherhood and ruthless hazing each semester.
Rush sucks.
1. To pretend one enjoys the company of a random 18-year-old dude, and that one isn’t just waiting to haze him into oblivion.
The kid I rushed last night seemed pretty cool. Can’t wait to force him to tie my shoes for ten weeks.

1. The most foul smelling item in a fraternity man’s wardrobe.
Dude, put your Sperrys back on, it smells like you dipped a turd in vinegar.

Test Bank
/test baNGk/
1. The reason a fraternity man is able to graduate despite his alcoholic antics.
I’m taking a class this semester with nothing in the test bank. I’m screwed.

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Written by TFM


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