I’m pre-grieving the imminent loss of Succession. It caused me to reminisce on some of my favorite tv characters in history. Here are the ones I’d like to start a group chat with.
Greg “the Egg” Hirsch- Succession
Easily the thing I will miss the most about this show is the presence of the jolly pale giant, Greg the Egg. This is one of the most ridiculous characters to ever grace the presence of our screens. He has the same level of conviction as a middle school boy agreeing with his crush. I have no doubt that he will agree with everything said in this hypothetical chat, and with the other characters that are joining him, it will surely provide fireworks.
Badger and Skinny Pete- Breaking Bad
I tried to keep the limit to one character per show, but as far as I’m concerned, these two don’t exist without each other. Their existence on the show is basically a bullshit text conversation anyway. There’s a three-minute scene in “Breaking Bad” where these two discuss a hypothetical pie eating contest in the Star Trek universe. It’s awesome. Every friend group needs a stoner. This friend group has two.
Leon Black- Curb Your Enthusiasm
Leon Black is this group’s wild card. I was going to give that spot to Charlie Kelly from “It’s Always Sunny,” but his inability to read or write made it hard to include him. I would love to hear him telling this rag tag group of guys that he’s, “The President of tapping that ass.” He would have enough stories to keep the conversation active, and he’d add some much-needed diversity to the group chat to give it longevity. Much like he did to Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Noho Hank- Barry
This submission was as much of a lock on this list as any. He has arguably the greatest catalogue of one liners from any character in tv history, and he also seems like such a nice guy. Even after some of the darker turns this show has taken, Noho Hank remains the friendly gangster who misquotes something every other sentence. He would be the glue that holds this group together at the seams. I would vote for Noho Hank for President, so I certainly think he needs to be the leader of this make shift friend group.
Nick Miller- New Girl
Nick Miller is my spirit animal. Lazy. Check. Calls himself a writer. Check. His marijuana smoking skills were once compared to the piano playing abilities of an eleven-year-old Chinese girl. Super check. He and I will probably complain about the rest of them in a side chat.
Christopher Moltisanti- The Sopranos
The least self-aware person to ever walk the face of the planet. The guy smoked, drank, and snorted more things than any one person should be able to over the course of six seasons. He also was a top tier member of the mob, an excellent screen writer, and an overall bad person. He’s more entertaining than anyone I’ve ever met, yet he would probably be widely hated in this group.
I can’t imagine this would be a very cohesive friend group. I can imagine that being in a group chat with these individuals would be constant entertainment being sent directly to your phone.