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The Perfect Playlist for S*x

I’ve done it. 10 Songs that perfectly set the mood for the pre-sex, during-sex, and post-sex moods, in order. You’re welcome. It’s a god damn masterpiece,

Pre-Sex

Not Afraid” by Eminem

This sets the tone for the evening. The lady your with may think that she’s in for some kind of regular, standard, six minutes of missionary and disappointment night, but this shows her right away that she’s got no idea what’s in store. The title “Not Afraid” shows that you are sexually liberated, without fear of trying anything. This will strike interest and awe into your lady partner.

“Kokomo” by The Beach Boys

This is a sort of “ease into it” type of tune. Slow, sexy, and a total mood-builder. The lyrics “Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take her to Bermuda, Bahamas; come on, pretty mama,” are a way to lure your lady friend into your web of sexual fantasy. I think.

“Remember the Name”by Fort Minor

This builds the intensity of the sexual encounter you’re about to partake in. Any thoughts that she has of this being some kind of lame, forgetful experience will go out the window. With this song on, you’re telling your special lady friend that she is about to experience pure intensity. Nothing less.

The Build-Up

“The Jeopardy! Theme” – Various Artists

This is what you play while you’re making the transition. Shows the lady that you’re intelligent because only smart people watch Jeopardy!. Also, though, it tells her that time’s a fuckin’ ticking. And shit is about to go down.

Sex

“Who Let the Dogs Out” – Baja Men

Immediately starts the event off with something that lets her know you’re no longer a human being. This is dawg territory. And she better get ready. Ruff.

“Life is a Highway” – Rascal Flats

This is for the endurance part… you know, when you’ve gotta power through and make sure that you’re giving the girl that five-and-a-half minutes of “pleasure.” Use it for rhythm, pacing, and (most of all) inspiration. This song should fuel your fire.

“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” – The Tokens

This is to signify that you guys are coming to the end of your journey together. You’re the lion, and you’re getting ready to sleep tonight. She shouldn’t expect much more. With that being said, though, it doesn’t mean that your inner jungle animal is being held back. No, no, no. You’re still ready to ravage the jungle for pleasure in your last moments of consciousness.

After the Deed is Done

“Cheeseburger in Paradise” – Jimmy Buffet

You’ve just finished love-making. What’s next? You’re starved. And there’s no better way to satisfy that hunger than with a cheeseburger at the ready. So, in continuance, there’s no better song to play than this while you eat it.

“I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” – The Proclaimers

It’s at this point that you’re ready to tell this fine young woman that just let you enter her that you’re ready to take the next step and get married. Sure, you only met two hours ago, but the fact that sex just occurred and you having had seventeen beers (still being able to finish) is enough to make you think that she’s the one forever. That’s why you play the most romantic song of all time as you make your proposal.

“Tubthumping” – Chumbawumba

When she shuts you down after this pouring out of your heart, you’re going to need something to get yourself feeling back to 100%. The only thing that can really cure a broken heart are these lyrics:

“I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down.”

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4JA729IY48jc3A0StXMZfb?si=oKpY4WLVSOOU6K_KvJ-FBw

And there you have the playlist, free for your use on Spotify.

What do you think?

Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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