Good Luck Charlie:
I don’t exactly remember how many kids they had running around that house, but I’m pretty sure it was like six, and there’s no way it would’ve been that clean. It would’ve been covered in dog hair and other substances, and the only reprieve the Matriarch from that family would’ve gotten is when she sneaks a cigarette behind the shed while listening to Daughtry on her iPhone 5’s speaker. The girl writing the diary probably runs off to Roanoke, Virginia, with her first serious boyfriend and lives a life tending bar in a college town because she so desperately wanted to escape the hell of living with that gigantic family.
Suite Life of Zack and Cody:
First of all, why the fuck would the heiress of a billion-dollar luxury hotel chain pick their Boston location? She would’ve been rolling face with Jenna Bush and Paris Hilton. Secondly, do you think Carey Martin doesn’t have a shooter in her stockings at all times? Her man left, and now she has to take care of two kids that don’t know how to dress themselves, and their only male role model is Mr. Mosby. They never go on a boat. Carey sends Zack to Wilderness after she finds a baggy in his backpack in ninth grade, and Cody gets really into Jordan Peterson.
You think a woman like Gloria just waltzes into this family while Jay is on the ten yard line of life and a woman like Claire is okay with that. That’s not what happens. Claire corners a woman like Gloria late night in the kitchen, they are washing the dishes together and Claire sharply mutters if you get in the way of me and this inheritance so help me God I’ll send you back to wherever you came from and then Gloria looks at her, takes a sip of her orange mint mojito and says try me bitch. Jay starts becoming more and more forgetful. Oh no, I left the oven on, so much so that they take the car keys away. The relationship between all the families is so shattered that even Grandpa’s decline can’t bring it back, Phil loses his job from all the drinking, and Hayley’s OnlyFans is the only source of income for the Dunphys. When Jay finally passes, Claire realizes she got nothing in the inheritance and immediately takes Gloria to court on an accusation that she made him sign her out of the will when he wasn’t well, but she’s disappointed to find out that Jay knew that she was a terrible person and relinquished her from the will years ago. Claire goes on to write a book titled Dancing the Tango with the Devil it does well, a New York Times best-seller, my Mom reads it.