The Rise of the “Granola Girls” on College Campuses.

They are on virtually every college campus they are becoming a true epidemic some have said, they infest our coffee shops, and keep your local college greenery watered. Who are these people Im talking about you may ask? Well, I’m talking about the “Granola Girls”. 

If you are a college student the “Granola Girls” affect how you live your life every day. Imagine you get up early for class on a Monday after going on a 3-day bender with the boys. And you decide to go to your local coffee shop down the street from where you live. You walk in to see 30 girls all dressed in two-tone colored jeans, scarves, and jean jackets. All with the same shitty pumpkin-spiced lattes. It takes you 40 minutes to get your $15 dollar cup of coffee and you miss your class. 

Imagine walking to class on your daily commute and seeing 13 hammocks with all the same-looking people. You see girls all dressed the same in Carhartt beanies, a shitty pair of Birkenstocks their mom bought them 2 years ago, and either Fleetwood Mac or The Lumineers playing in the background.

After the first day you don’t mind it but the day after they multiply, they grow, they evolve while originally listening to Fleetwood Mac, and they now have evolved to The Rex Orange County level of “Granola Girl” the worst of them all. These women envelope, trap their prey and they don’t let them go. These females sometimes can be so distracting for the modern-day college male that these men may become what experts call a “Granola Boy”. Experts for thousands of years have said that once a man becomes a granola boy they lose all touch with who they are as an individual. And their true self is fully gone. 

Written by Nolan Breslin

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