The Sad Pile Of Mashed Potatoes Was No Match Against Jake Paul

After a music festival, a slap fight reffed by Ric Flair, announced by Pete Davidson, and 5 hours later, the Askren vs. Paul fight finally happened. And a minute in, Jake Paul “knocked out” Ben Askren. The reason I put quotation marks is that the knockout looked a little suspicious. So much so that Rigged was trending on Twitter this morning. If Askren dived, it wouldn’t be surprising that the man showed up with the ultimate dad bod and got paid $500,000 for 1 minute’s worth of work. What makes the fight look more rigged is that Askren is used to getting his face turned into ground beef and still be fine afterward.

For somebody who got hit so hard, it sure looks like he’s all smiles. I can’t blame the guy. I would have that smile after making $500,000.

It’s time for Jake Paul to start fighting real boxers. No more ex NBA players, old dad bod MMA fighters. If he wants to be taken as a real boxer, he needs to start fighting real boxers. There’s no glamour in grinding against real boxers, but I’m sure that the Paul brothers will figure out a way to make it a big spectacle. I imagine the opening scene of Creed where Adonis is fighting in Mexico just because he loves to fight.

I guarantee that Jake Paul will spin this fight into another fight that dumbasses will pay for. And the Paul brothers will keep making a shit ton of money. I’m glad that I didn’t fall for this circus show, and saved myself $50.

P.S. I know that the Paul brothers are from Ohio and that they were great wrestlers for Ohio State, but I don’t think I would get this excited for Jake’s win. Hey, any excuse to party is a good excuse.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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