In a country where:
- AOC sells twenty-seven dollar tee shirts that say “drink water & don’t be racist”
- My Mom texts me Joe Biden memes that have been on Reddit since before he was President
- Girls on Twitter think Caucasian James squatting in random locations around his house is the funniest thing to ever happen
- There are over a million people that still believe Trump will end up being President
- Woke people on Twitter changed grammar, and many people like myself are afraid to vocalize that it’s confusing
- The D’Amelio family distributes half of this country’s fentanyl
- Joe Rogan gets referred to as alt-right despite endorsing Bernie Sanders
- Billion-dollar corporations come out of the closet for Twitter clout in June
- Every black quarterback who doesn’t see playing time is a victim of racism
- Millions of elderly white women die each year from cardiac arrest sustained from finger-fucking themselves to Tucker Carlson Tonight
- Every college student who blacks out and does something embarrassing claims they were drugged at a bar
- Any Italian man over the age of fifty-five still casually uses the n-word in public
- The only hot girls on Tinder are there to promote their OnlyFans
- Lil Nas X claims people don’t like him because of his sexuality and not because he created satanic shoes
- A stubbed toe can lead to an Opioid addiction
- Our last President was overheard asking somebody if it was possible to Nuke Hurricanes
- Our current President was over thirty years old when Pablo Picasso died
- Kanye vs. Drake is a bigger news story than a vigilante group of ex-military personnel saving hundreds of lives in Afghanistan
- When something is deemed offensive, journalists and girls with astronomy tattoos have decided to put stars in between its letters
- Doordash has tricked us into believing that $20 is an appropriate amount to spend on a shitty take-out sub
- Rich people thrift, and poor people shop at Macy’s
- The Taliban is on Twitter, but Barry McCockiner gets banned every six months
- We purchase iPhones bi-annually, so we aren’t the green bubble person in the chat
- Alex Cooper made more money from eating Hot Cheetos and talking about sucking cock than (and I did the math) 364 electricians will make in their lifetime
- Senior citizens lose three billion dollars a year due to online scams
One person has been able to keep me sane. Not since all of America tunned into Modern Family every Wednesday has a gay fat man been so prevalent in my life, but here we are. I’m not early on the Tim Dillon train; I’ve only been listening to him for the past six months. The guy has been crushing it for two years now; if anything, I’m late. But I can’t recommend it enough for those of you who don’t regularly listen to The Tim Dillon Show.
The reason I enjoy Tim Dillon’s content so much is because he’s made me realize that the world is so bad and SO FAKE that it’s objectively hilarious.
I mean, does this not hit the nail on the head?
Thank you, Tim.
