Fantasy draft season is officially upon us with only ten days until the start of the NFL season, so I thought it was only fitting to compile a list of the three worst types of fantasy players you will almost certainly have in your league. If by chance you act in a manner similar to one of these wannabe GMs, I’d suggest you do some deep self-reflection before the season kicks off.
The Binge Trader
The Binge Trader is the physical embodiment of impatience. These types of GMs will literally begin trade talks after the second round of your draft, all because they saw a random TikTok explaining why Justin Jefferson was going to shatter every receiving record this season. The only good thing about these GMs is that you can occasionally use their trade fetish against them and swindle a solid deal, but honestly, I’d rather just stop getting offers from them entirely (especially the ones at 2:00 am).
The Fantasy PhD
Basically, the Fantasy Ph.D. is just another name for the guy in your league who always acts like the most arrogant know-it-all, but never wins. Every year the Fantasy Ph.D. rolls up to the draft with folders upon folders of “research”, all stolen from ESPN and multiple subreddits that seem to be linked to some sort of underground child trafficking. Every transaction or line-up change is met by a scolding analysis in your fantasy group chat, but usually ends up being so atrociously incorrect that they have been posted multiple times on Old Takes Exposed.
Mr. Excuses has never lost a game in his entire tenure playing fantasy football (at least that’s what he claims). Somehow, Mr. Excuses can come up with thousands of reasons as to why his team technically won on any given week. Even if you don’t engage in any trash talk with Mr. Excuses – which I recommend you don’t – they will compile a seven-page essay as to why your win doesn’t count and that you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking it does.