The Bottom Feeder
This is the kid that is constantly having sex, but it’s with all the girls that none of the rest of you actually want to get with. This wouldn’t be a bad thing, except this dumb fuck decides that he’s going to talk to you guys all day long about how many girls he hooks up with. Little does he realize, that every single one of them was shot down by the rest of the friend group before they found him.
This kid’s nice enough, but it’s almost impossible to be around him because he’s just fucking gross. He’ll wear shirts that are stained with God knows what, sweatpants that look like they’ve been passed down through his family for generations, and he’ll have a smell about him that tells you he hasn’t showered for the better part of 24 hours. No matter how many times you tell him to get his shit together, he repeatedly responds with, “Dude, who the fuck cares?” Everyone cares, you disgusting piece of filth.
This one is a chill guy 95% of the time, but when he starts drinking, he becomes an absolute liability. That’s because the second someone says something that pisses him off even a little bit, he gets ready to throw hands without any hesitation at all. This wouldn’t be too much of an issue if it were strangers, but he’ll turn on the kid that he’s been friends with since age six if he gets too angry.
This is the guy that NEVER has anything of his own. He’ll ask you for food, money, beer, liquor, drugs, a kidney – you fucking name it. No matter how many times you tell him that he needs to Venmo you for everything he owes before you give him one of your Millers, he consistently tells you that he’s going to the next day so just add it to the tab. Then the asshole repeats it over and over. In some ways, you’re the stupid one for believing he’s ever going to refund you