I had probably the biggest dickface of all time as a coach in Little League for several years of my career. I hate the guy with a burning passion in my heart, and I think he deserves to be kicked directly in his nuts once a day for the rest of his life. I had a few good years playing where he wasn’t a part of it, and those were really fun. But this dude ruined Little League for so many kids that I grew up with, I felt the need to put him on blast a little bit. But since I’m a pussy and he’s a lawyer, I’m not going to drop his name and address like I want to (just in case).
1. My Coach Fights an Umpire
In an almost meaningless tournament when I was about 10, I watched my head coach rush out onto the field and attempt to kill the umpire who was officiating the game. His son had just been thrown out for, if I remember correctly, screaming “fuck” at the guy, and for whatever reason, my coach thought that was an unfair reaction. So, he charges out onto the field and has to be physically restrained by an assistant coach and the other team’s coaches.
2. My Coach Fights Another Team’s Coach
We were in a close game, and it began to get little bit heated. To settle the tension that was rising between the two teams, my coach decided to go out and get in the opposing coach’s face. It then turned into a complete fucking disaster. We had every kid on each time up against the fence praying someone would throw a punch so we could at least get some entertainment out of what would end up being a fifteen-minute delay in the game, and adults running out to stop the very thing that every kid was hoping for.
3. My Coach Fights an Assistant Coach
In one of the last baseball games I ever played, we were stuck in a rain delay. And when one coach called out the other for allowing his son to sit apart from the team, it turned into a whole fucking fight. A real one this time. I watched my coach charge the assistant coach while his back was turned, shove him into the metal fence backstop, put his hand around the guy’s throat, and start throwing punches at the guy’s stomach. The other team left immediately because the last time we had played them one of our parents went after an umpire in the parking lot, so the game was over by the time the two of them were separated.
He also tried to fight an assistant coach at practice once, but that never got physical. I think those stories do a pretty good job of showing how that guy was an absolute cockface, so I won’t be going into detail about the borderline abuse he put us through at practice (a hundred degrees out, humid, no shorts allowed, thirty minutes of running – I was 10) and the ways that he was just a dick bag. I will say, though, that one time at an end of year party his son (who was just as big of a douchehole) was being a dick, so I jumped off of a jungle gym directly onto him and had to be pulled off. Fuck that kid and fuck his dad.