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The Worst People In A Group Project

Business people discussing over plan on glass wall in office

Singing Girl: Girls are too nice to say this out loud, but I know they think this. We all do: if you’re a person that actively sings out what you’re doing, everybody around you wants to rip your vocal cords out. If my head is pounding and I’m at work or doing school, and somebody is singing about reaching into their bag to grab their laptop charger, my mind goes full Adam Lanza. Most of the time, these people are actually decent singers, and that’s cool, but leave the singing to whatever improv group you’re a part of that gets eighty-three people into the door once a semester.

Bartard Guy: As soon as you see a guy blowing bloody nose boogers the first time a group project meets outside of the classroom, everybody knows that that’s the kid that will only be responsible for three slides. I’ve been this guy, and I hate this guy. Don’t be dapping people up in the library when four other people went out of their way to get together for a presentation on the gentrification of Chicago. Nobody wants you interrupting them to scream at your boy on the other side of the room about your parlay tonight, just do the bare minimum to the best of your abysmal academic abilities and sit down.

Person Amidst A Breakup: This isn’t Euphoria or a room where you get charged seventy-five dollars an hour to talk about your toxic ex; this is a group of four people that never want to see each other again after this project about Eukaryotic Cells or whatever stupid marketing pitch your working on is over. If we wanted to see someone be emotionally distressed, we’d toss on a Nicole Kidman movie. Let’s keep the emotions in check and start worrying about the Powerpoint transitions, please.

Dumb Person That Thinks They’re Smart: While I appreciate the confidence, there is always a guy that grinds harder than a New Jersey Italian for his 3.1, or a dude that got his job because his Uncle owns the company that wants to make every pivotal decision on a group project. The whole point of group projects is for everyone to provide a perspective. You are not Winston Churchill; you’re just a dude with a clean Linkedin headshot.

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