I think the world is pretty much over COVID. There’re very few places I go anymore that I have to wear masks at, the CDC is relaxing all the protocols or whatever, and vaccines are easier to pick up than a *** **** ** * *** (sorry. I really wanted to write that joke out completely, but I’m trying to keep whatever shred of moral high standing that I have left – at least for right now). I’m ready for it, though. I’m pumped to get back to school and not have to worry about it as much, and I think all of you reading are too. I am concerned about one thing, though.
Way back when, I wrote a blog about the three steps to losing your COVID virginity, pointing out that a lot of guys were using the excuse of COVID as an excuse for why they weren’t getting as many girls. Well, I’d like to tell you that I followed my own advice and ended up having tons of sex with hot ladies after writing that, but, sadly, I cannot. I was one of the guys that used it as an excuse before I wrote the blog, and I remained one of those guys after. But now that COVID really seems to be coming to an end, I’m beginning to realize that I’m going to have to find new excuses for why I have very miniscule success with members of the opposite sex.
Here are some of the excuses I’m considering:
1. I’m just waiting for the right person to come a long
The “right person” in this case is a living, breathing, consenting woman.
2. I think my standards are just too high
Probably true. Chances are Livvy Dunne is never going to try her luck with me.
3. I’m just enjoying my time with the boys
I am enjoying my time with the boys, but I’d also enjoy time with a girl. Sex with my homies just isn’t the same.
4. It’s gotta be my blogs, man
Do girls who I’m interested in read these? Probably not. But I’m going to claim that it’s because I make such a fool of myself on here that they lose interest so fast.
5. These girls just don’t understand me
This one’s 100% true, but in all fairness, that’s way more on me than it is on them.
There you have it. That’s the rotation of excuses I’ll be using when inevitably continue to strike out with girls. But when (yeah, when. I’m confident I won’t get shut out) I do have my one success of the year, I’ll tell anyone and everyone about it and make sure people know that I’m the fucking man.
Until then, I’ll have to try and follow Alyssa’s advice to Conall on how to get girls from the most recent episode of That Never Happened. I thought my slump was bad, so it’s good to know there’s someone out there who has it like I do. Conall, feel free to use any of my excuses above. We’re in this together, man.