5. Coked up Josh Hamilton’s Home Run Derby Performance
If you were a baseball fan in the late 2000s then you know just how good Josh Hamilton was. The first-round pick out of Raleigh was a godly hitter. The 6’4, 240-pound outfielder took a few years to reach the majors but when he did he became a beast, acting as the driving force behind a Rangers team that made multiple World Series Trips.
Josh Hamilton also had a secret power-up: cocaine. Much like a star for Mario or cocaine for John Mulaney, Josh Hamilton was able to use the powder as an extra source of fuel. This was best displayed on July 14, 2008 in the Bronx when Hamilton hit 28 first-round home runs, all in the span of three minutes.
It also gave us one of the greatest calls from Chris Berman in history with 28 WAAAAP’s.
4. Randy Johnson Hitting that Bird
You’ve probably seen this video, but man did Randy Johnson fuck that bird up. He literally incinerated that Dove- they never found its body. Just a thousand feathers all over the infield.
Do you know how good of a fastball you have to have to make PETA call you?
Here’s an additional fun fact, the batter during the incident was Calvin Murray, uncle to Cardinals quarterback Kyler Murray. Who knows, maybe if Johnson hadn’t hit the bird Kyler would never be the athlete he is today. Maybe little Kyler was in the stands that day and the fear of seeing that animal explode never allowed him to study anything, including playbooks.
3. Mick Fanning Making it out Alive
You might remember this one as well. In 2015 Mick Fanning was competing in the finals at the J Bay Open, a stop on the world surfing league championship. He was in the finals competing against Julian Wilson when a 3.5-meter Great White shark decided to try and take a bite out of him.
The Shark got tangled in Fanning’s leash (that’s the part that attaches to your ankle for the Kooks out there), freed itself, and then came back to Mick again. For some reason, the shark ultimately did not take a bite out of Fanning, but the incident left him shaken up. It’s hard to paddle out hundreds of feet in general, but having a great white circling you makes it that much harder. He retired after the incident but made his comeback this last April.
2. The Shark that attacked Mick Fanning
At number two is the shark that attacked Mick Fanning. This was a hell of a move by the shark and I’m not gonna let some human bias deter me from the truth. The Shark made a great move, it stalked its prey and boosted up to 15 miles an hour in just 2 seconds to inflict a preliminary attack on Fanning.
I’m glad Fanning made it out relatively unscathed, but make no mistake: if that shark wanted Fanning it would have taken him into the Pacific and showed him where those crabs ate Amelia Earhart. It was a sign of good sportsmanship that the shark outplayed fanning AND let him live. Some might call that taunting, “playing with your food” if you will. I disagree, it takes a big man and a bigger shark to walk away from that situation.
All of this being on video makes it that much more impressive. We constantly hear debates about what shark is the most dangerous to humans. This great White in J bay knew there were cameras on the beach and put the Great White community on its back. Clutch.
1. The Guy who Bowled a Perfect Game on 9/11
Where were you on September 11th? Bill Moro was bowling his nuts off.
Bill Moro was just like you or me. A good American, he worked at a paper mill in Massachusetts for 50 years.
He was at work on September 11 when the news broke that two planes had hit the World Trade Center. The factory was quiet that day; what was a usually upbeat paper mill, now turned into a sodom warehouse.
Amidst all the chaos in the world that day, big Bill stood up and said “fuck it, I’m going bowling”. He was in a league that bowled once a week. He was better than most, but not a professional by any means, yet somehow on that day he channeled all the pain across America into his bowling and rolled a 300. Every single roll was a strike. It’s like if Randy Johnson killed 27 birds in a game.
This is my standard for great performances too. I don’t want to hear about your hole-in-one unless it was on Marathon day in 2013. I don’t want to know about your triple crown unless it was on Pearl Harbor. Your perfect game means nothing to me if it wasn’t during Katrina.