When you were younger, you knew every creek in your house. You could walk around your house like it was a minefield. You knew the perfect window, the path to your bedroom where it makes the least sound, and you had intense anxiety until you made it to your bedroom. Which was your safe haven; it didn’t matter what happened outside of that bedroom. If you were lying in your bed, you knew you were safe from the outside world. Where I lived was a weird situation. I didn’t go to school in my town since my town was too small. So I had to drive 30 minutes to the next town over where my high school was. My parents lived in the redneck capital, and my school was in an uppity town, so all of the parties happened in that town. I never had to sneak in my parent’s house, and thank god because who knows, I could have met one of the dozen shotguns and rifles my dad had. In high school, I would sleep over at friend’s houses, and we would sneak in there at 3 in the morning, all being hammered.
Instead of being pissed with your children, this father had fun scaring the shit out of them. He used technology to his advantage with the Ring cameras and Alexas. He didn’t need to be hiding in a dark room and jump out. He could do all of this from the comfort of his bed. You know his son was hammered. Everybody has heard that drunk I love you, which the son stumbled through multiple times. You’re either an angry drunk or an over-loving drunk.
The second all of those lights turned on, they all turned into deers in headlights. Nobody knew what to do. Were they in big trouble? Should they run? Should they ignore the lights and Alexa? Once everybody realizes that it’s a joke, they all become loud annoying drunks until they quickly realize that parents are probably upstairs sleeping, and you still need to shut the fuck up.
The lights and the Alexa were great, but if you’re going to do this, go over the top. We could have had some confetti cannons going, some fireworks maybe, and maybe an obnoxious song playing.
P.S. Tip hat to the dudes in this group. I counted 3 dudes and 3 chicks. Maybe they were just “friends,” but if not, and you were able to convince girls to sneak through your parent’s windows to get your semi-hard dick, that won’t work because of the 5 whiskeys you had. Extra hat tip to you.
