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Things Guys Secretly Love

Misogyny

If you’re wondering why Andrew Tate has become the most popular person on the internet, it’s because almost every guy is secretly a misogynist on some level. I’m not saying that your average dude is sitting around with a burner account tweeting about how the wage gap is a good thing, but for most of us, women are easily the most frustrating thing about our daily lives. Because of that, the natural release of “Fuck these hoes,” and “I hate women,” are normal (and I’d argue healthy) forms of misogyny that get expressed by men on a regular basis. And before you women go and get all fussed up about that fact, let’s remember that you do the same thing, but your hatred for men is just more accepted by society as a whole.

Mansplaining

I’ve never felt more important as a person than when I was fortunate enough to mansplain how sports betting odds work to one of my friends. She had zero interest in the subject whatsoever, a fact I was well aware of, but that didn’t stop me from going on for seven minutes about how the odds of my seven-leg parlay came together to give me a $150 payout. Despite knowing that every girl hates listen to a dude mansplain, there aren’t many guys that won’t jump on the opportunity to do it the second it gets presented to him.

The Scratch ‘n Sniff

The itch could be anywhere on the body, but the most enticing ones are always on the nuts or the ass. I don’t know the science behind it, but it’s a proven fact that once something has been scratched, a man’s hand will fly to his nose to get a whiff of the mystery smell that’s now going to linger on his finger for a few seconds. We know it’s not going to smell good. We know we’ll be grossed out. We also know that after the initial disgust, we’ll probably go back for a second sniff.

2000s Female Pop

Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift ­– just to name a few – usually populate a playlist that, while in the privacy of his own car, any guy will put on and belt out lyrics that describe a now wildly famous woman’s experience getting cheated on. It’s incredibly unmanly in many ways, but at the same time, it’s a bond that we all share.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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