I have not independently made a friend since I turned eighteen years old. What exactly do I mean by that? Well, every day…hold on a second…as I’m writing this, I’ve just found out OU and Texas have requested to join the SEC. C’mon Texas, get real. No offense to LongHorn fans, but Texas football is an overconfident fat girl. You know the girl I’m talking about. The type of girl that lives off of causing drama and claims that she’s down bad after she did hand stuff with your boy from out of town when in reality he is very much out of her league. The type of girl that puts Ariana Grande music on her Instagram story and cockblocks everybody because if she’s not getting attention from guys, nobody is. Anyways, back to the blog.
Well, everyday, I interact with thousands of you online.
This job is quite literally destroying me on the inside, every time I open Twitter, a little part of me dies on the inside. The only thing that keeps me going is watching the Waka Waka (This Time For Africa) music video from 2010 because for a second, it brings me back to when my life revolved around nothing but Modern Warfare 2 and Dunkaroos. It’s awesome getting feedback from you guys, and I would even consider many of you friends. And while I appreciate talking to all of you, I didn’t independently go out of my way to meet you. You read something of mine, figured out we had common interests, and we talked about how you also have terrible Sunday Panda Express every Sunday through the DMs. Meeting friends on the internet is like fucking girls on tinder if you’re 6’5; it’s not shooting fish in a barrel, but it’s certainly easier than going out of your way to introduce yourself to somebody in public.
And that’s something that I’m sure many of us are learning in our twenties. The friends I’ve made over the past three or four years have been friends of friends, or people I’ve met through social media. As a kid, I was really outgoing and eager to meet new people, but nowadays the thought of introducing myself to some dude at a bar because I like his jersey seems psychotic to me. I’ll give girls this: I’m envious that two girls can go to the bathroom together one time and end up at each other’s wedding parties- but for most guys, that isn’t happening. Maybe that’s a direct result of “toxic masculinity” or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but I think it’s actually a good thing. Friendships between girls can end over an Instagram picture where one of them looks bad; I would have to walk in on a good friend of mine EATING my dog before I stopped drinking with him on a Saturday.
So if you recently moved to a new city like me, and you’re struggling to meet new people, call the guys that have been with you your whole life before feeling sorry for yourself. Without organized sports or summer camps, it’s hard to make friends, and many of us feel the same way.