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Throwback THROWDOWN: Frat vs. Shark Romance Novel

On Thursday we looked at The Frat Romance Novel, a milestone in frat literature, brought to you by Bacon aka Rob Fox of the OG Grandex boys.  Today we look at MY take on it.  Part parody, part love letter, I wanted to put my sharky spin on one of the best things to come out of TFM at the time.

I’m pretty sure I submitted it as The Shark Romance Novel and they just vetoed the name and changed it to A Shark Love Story.  I was only a normal user and that was the editor’s call before publishing.  They didn’t want me encroaching on their territory I guess…   

It’s not as fancy as the Frat Romance Novel but still follows the basic structure of having the perfect male specimen and a female with an odd situation.  To this day I’m still not sure if people just didn’t care, or never figured out that the exotic island that the sharks gathered at was just Frat Island spelled backwards with an apostrophe to make it look more like a natural island language: D’nalsi-Tarf.  I loved how well it fit, personally.

Some highlights:

“Disclaimer: The following, while extremely arousing, is for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. Seriously.

Other Disclaimer: If one or more of your brothers is a shark and you think your chapter is right for being featured on Shark Week, immediately contact the authorities at Discovery and let them know, but don’t sound too desperate.”

“The bump and grind atmosphere was palpable; she could literally feel it thanks to an organ called the lateral line that ran down both sides of her body.”

“He was like a perfect wild stallion, if horses could go underwater and swim in a masculine and attractive way. An extremely impressive specimen, Bronson was the longest and thickest man she had ever seen.”

… (Originally only concerned with getting seen on and maybe even getting her own show on Shark Week and NOT mating,  Ellie now finds herself enamored with our hero)…

“Still consumed with thoughts of Bronson, Ellie spent the rest of the afternoon running through potential episodes of her reality show. The synopsis for each episode would quickly devolve into her and Bronson making passionate love and about three minutes of actual plot. Season 1 would end by Ellie being forced to choose between mating with Bronson or his long lost and mustachioed twin brother. Spoiler alert: She chooses both and they Eiffel Tower her.”

One of the things I’m really missing from the olden days is the critical acclaim and community engagement I enjoyed.  

Some other decent ones include: 
“Ellie could of been the next Mia Khalifa of the shark porn industry”
“The only other time I’m brought to the verge of tears and orgasm is when I hear the Star Spangled Banner.”

If you’re still reading this, you need to just go read the whole thing.  Go click the link and let me know which Romance Novel is the juiciest!  

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