Tips From An 80’s Frat Boy On College

Senior man making funny expression and gesturing against wooden wall. Portrait of elderly man in funky shirt and sunglasses. Old man gesturing with hands and making humorous face

I have written before about my neighbor down the street from me Don. Back in the 80’s he was the pledge master and then president of his fraternity. He was an absolute stud back in the day. And now he’s a hippie weed dealer who sits in his garage all day and slams a case or two with his sons. Now I always knew Don was a cool ass motherfucker who may or may not have sold me dope a couple of times. But Don interested me I wanted to know what advice he had to make college a drunken good-ass time for 4 years and here is what he said.

  1. “Drink every day”

This one is extremely simple and every college student does this anyways. But Don said this one quote that stuck with me “Drinking makes everything better, if you have some socially awkward friends who won’t talk to girls get them hammered and they will probably chew the girl’s ear off, If your watching football or sports with the fellas get hammered, there is nothing a beer can’t fix”. Let me remind you that Don while also being the coolest guy I know can also slam 8 beers in less than an hour, and will out drink virtually any man on this planet. As he says “It’s not truly alcoholism until you graduate”. And I know me and the boys live by that. 

  1. “Get off your fucking phone, and talk to women”

This piece of advice might be scary to the average college student because women are scary. But Don believes the lack of confidence in men is truly ruining American society. Don said, “ I think the invention of the cell phone has truly sucked the confidence out of our male youth, the number of men nowadays who can’t even hold a thirty-second conversation with a woman is sad, and it makes me scared of the future”. I think Don’s advice is pretty solid, but take it with a grain of salt don has been divorced 2 times and lives by himself. So do with that advice what you will. 

  1. “Be a cheap ass”

I think most people live by this advice anyways but it’s still true. Be cheap at all costs and never spend more than you need to. As Don says “Im still a cheap ass to this day, I spend barely any money on anything other than booze and food, our youth are buying too many drinks for women and I think that’s awful never buy a drink for a woman because more than likely 15 other guys are buying them drinks at the same time don’t be a fucking retard and save you money”. Let me remind you that Don still drives a 1986 Chevy Astro that he has had since his senior year of college. So Don is the ultimate cheap ass.  

Don gave me a lot more advice that might be useful but, I think these 3 pieces will help any college student make the most of their short time at any university around the country. 

Written by Nolan Breslin

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