Whether you’re a genius and manage to graduate in four years or take five and a half like the rest of us, you are bound to meet several interesting characters in college. Some will become your friends for life, others will completely ignore you in class but then give you a sweaty bear hug blacked out at the bar, and many will just flat out suck. Here are the top three worst people you will meet in college.
1. The Guy Who Only Talks About The Real World
This is the dude that likes to play all Jaden Smith and talk about the political and economic state of the world. No matter how drunk you are, how close the game is, or how fat your bowl is packed, this guy needs to talk to you about his career plan. Sorry Nathaniel, but I actually don’t care about your stock portfolio or your “in” at J.P Morgan. You want to know how many stocks I have? Two: Dogecoin and Disney which I bought when I was 8 years old. Ask me for my take on the new law that congress just passed? I haven’t heard of it, but unless they’re legalizing fireworks, mushrooms, or the original Four Lokos, I probably don’t care. All I want to do is get wasted and talk about what animals I think I could take in a fight. Is that too much to ask?
2. The Dude Who Wants To Show You Unreleased Music
We all know this guy. “Yo bro, you gotta listen to this unreleased Uzi song. It’s fucking flame!” First off, if you ever call something “flame,” you deserve to be thrown into one. Second, it’s not. If it were a good song, it probably would have been released already or will come out when it’s ready. Half the time people show me some eight minute Soundcloud track posted by User240325156 that has someone scraping nails across a chalkboard in the background. How does this random person have this song and why is the volume lower than the Allstate guy’s voice? Don’t turn my music off to play your unreleased crap while you look around the room waiting for someone to ask what song it is. Instead, just leave and never come back, thanks.
3. The Girl Who Always Asks If You Know Her Name
What kind of power trip are you on that you think you’re so important I should remember your name? I couldn’t tell you how old my brother is, my social security number, or my blood type, so you can be sure I definitely do not know your name. Why is that a big deal anyway? I know your face. That’s enough for us to force this conversation that neither of us wants to be having. The fact that you ask me every single time makes me purposely forget. It’s not like I’m not an idiot or Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, if you were interesting and actually tried to have a normal conversation then I’d probably remember your name. But for now, you’re just in my mind as “nameless name asking bitch.”