Top Five Poops You Take

Disclaimer: If you are a female who has even a semblance of sexual interest in me, read at your own risk. This will undoubtedly make you think less of me.

5. The Work Shit

Depending on how comfortable you are pooping outside of your own home, this may not be your ideal situation, but if you enjoy pooping, it’s a great experience. First of all, it’s ten minutes that you don’t have to be working and isn’t considered to be a break. Second, if you really go to town on that thing, it ends up being quite the prank on any co-workers that have to follow you in there. 

4. The Groggy Grumper

Every once in a while, you wake up in the middle of the night with a desperate need to disrespect a toilet, and it’s truly an awesome feeling. Any intestinal discomfort gets flushed away, and you can go back to your bed feeling four pounds lighter. You’ll sleep like a fucking chicken after, and you just saved yourself a little bit of time in the morning. It’s a two for one in my eyes.

3. The Morning Dump

It’s a classic, but it’s one that never gets old. Without the morning dump, your day can never truly begin, and its only downfall is if it really cuts into the time you have allotted for yourself to get ready in the morning.

2. The Clean Pinch

The first blog I ever wrote was about the clean pinch, and I’ll always have a special place in my heart for it. There is nothing better than taking a steamer only to realize there’s nothing there to clean up.

1. The Beer Poop

Pooping is already an enjoyable experience, and the only thing that can really make it better is when you’re doing it at the beginning of a night of drinking (which automatically means there will be no need to blow up a bar bathroom) and you get to take a cold one in there with you for the journey.