Trump’s Gone…And We Are Out Of Things To Talk About

I don’t really care where you land politically because I’m not a fucking douchebag who discards friends or family based on their political beliefs. Whether you voted for Joe Biden or not, it is your civic duty as an American to hope he is effective because he is our country’s president. With all this being said, uhhh…what the fuck do we talk about now? 

Even the most non-binary, gender-fluid, they/them, Bushwick, Brooklyn resident couldn’t look at me in the eyes and say that Trump wasn’t an effortless conversation over appetizers. People hated him…so they talked about it and people loved him…so they talked about it. What the fuck are we supposed to do now? Collectively agree as a society to finally get around to watching The Wire? The entertainment value of the spectacle that is politics has gone from chaos to Instagram stories of Joe Biden eating ice cream and staged photos of minority toddlers watching Kamala Harris on TV. 

I’m not saying the divide in our nation is amusing to me, I’m just saying that we spent four years with a gargantuan news cycle every day. Donald Trump would tweet something while taking a shit and piss of quite literally A BILLION people. The man is responsible for more blue-checkmarks on Twitter than minor league baseball. Of course, I remember life before Trump, but I don’t see us back to mindlessly watching Modern Family while pretending we don’t know that droopy balled old white guys were doing backhanded, shady deals with our taxpayer money. 

 People like myself need something to write about. As much as journalists and contributors may want you to believe they despised the Trump era, the industry thrived. Through every opinion piece and every fake story about a Vox journalist’s two-year-old child pleading their Mom for universal healthcare, the world consumed all of it. If they agreed with your politics, they called you a hero, and if they didn’t, they told you that you were the problem with this country.

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think I can just go back to talking about the weather with people I’m forced to interact with over shrimp and cocktail sauce. America needs some excitement. Can we get another balloon boy? How about some cereal killers that escape prison? How about a mandatory rule that Sarah Fuller is the kicker for both teams in the Superbowl? Maybe we can go really nuts and spread a virus from Chi- oh shit, nevermind. The Joe Biden administration is eight minutes of missionary sex with a condom; the Trump administration was that soft six you took home once that tried to put her index finger in your ass and gave you chlamydia.