Alright so a little story time for everyone. I’ve said it multiple times how I went to a tiny ass Community College that I dropped out of after the first semester. I’ve tried to forgot that time of my life since it was a very dark time, but for page views I’ll dive back into the worst time of my life. So the College I went to was about 20 minutes away from 2 high schools, so what this College turned into was cliques of people who all went to high school together. I was the only one from my high school who went to this college, and I was a minnow lost in the sea. I would walk around the school and see group of kids who have been friends since high school, and I didn’t know how to introduce myself. So I would just not say anything, and go about my day all alone.
After classes I would hear people making plans and there I was just alone. I would have a couple of hours to kill in between classes, and I had nothing to do, I had no friends, and no plans. So I would drive around the town for hours listening to sad boy music. I can sing every lyric from the Lumineers first album, that’s the type of head space I was in. You know how much of a sad boy you have to be to listen to the Lumineers on repeat?
I was an alright student in high school, but when I got to college I turned into a fucking genius. I had nothing better to do so I spent hours in the library, and I was on the deans list all of a sudden. This was all nice, but I didn’t want to spend my entire college experience in the library studying away my life as I saw other people have the time of their lives. So what did I do?
I started smoking cigarettes. I would never turn down a drunk cig during high school, but I never actually bought a pack. Nicotine has always been my BFF since I was about 14 when I first started chewing. During college I transitioned from chewing to smoking, and it was 1000% because I would see crowds of kids chilling in the gazebo all smoking and laughing. I wanted to be part of that crowd, and maybe if I was participating in getting lung cancer I would make friends.
There I was inhaling that cancer and tar, and nothing changed. I wasn’t part of the crew I was just the guy who nobody knew that was smoking cigs. Slowly I stopped going to the gazebo to smoke and instead stank up my entire car with the a horrible odor of empty Subway wrappers and cigs. I stopped smoking, and went back to chew, then soon after that is when I realized that college wasn’t for me.
I told myself what all drop outs say. “I’ll go back after this summer; I’m just taking sometime to save up some money; I have a list of schools I’ll transfer to.” Well it’s been 9 years and I never stepped foot in another college.
I wished that I went to a big college where I was forced into the dorm life. I know that I would’ve had a great time growing with friends, but instead I tried to make friends while pretending I loved to smoke cigs. As you probably guessed it didn’t work.