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Trying to Poop in Every Academic Building on My Campus

This is exactly what it sounds like. I have been on a journey for several years, that I now have exactly one semester left to complete. It all started my freshman year, when I was dropping mud during a night class because the idea of learning how to code was scarier than whatever bacteria was waiting for me in that stall. After I moved off campus and began commuting to school every day, I found myself with a lot of free time on my hands between classes. What better way was there to pass the time then taking a grumper? I couldn’t think of one. In no time, pooping was as big a part of my time on campus as attending class was. 

One day while sitting on my public porcelain throne, I came up with an idea to really push myself. A way to really try to accomplish something during my time at college. It was this day that I decided I would take a dump in every academic building on campus. 

I attend college at Temple University in Philadelphia, and to my count there are fourteen academic buildings on campus. I have taken a poop in nine of them. I know this may not seem like an impressive feat to many of you, but think of the determination and planning this takes. One particularly successful semester, my body was trained to desire its first poop at 1:50 in the afternoon, the second my biggest break of the day started. Most students would use this time to get some homework in. Not me, I was finding and traveling to the next spot on my shit list. 

I just completed my seventh semester at Temple, and Covid took away my access to academic buildings for three of them. This means I have built up a crap map that covers almost all of Temple’s campus in just two short years. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve walked into buildings where people are studying to become lawyers just to make room for lunch. I’ve shared shameful eye contact with security guards who I walked past just ten minutes prior. I’ve seen the best and worst work that Temple’s janitorial staff has to offer.

I won’t lie, I slacked off a bit this semester. I only crossed off one building from my list, and it was as a result of lucky scheduling. But I also know what the task ahead of me is. I have four months, and five buildings to poop in. Will it be tough work, undoubtedly. But with a Mamba mentality, and a terrible diet, there’s nothing I can’t achieve. 

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Written by TFM

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