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Undercover Troll: Mizzou Edition

Picking the correct college to attend can be hard. Many factors go into it, how expensive it will be, how close it is, what majors they offer, and how’s the overall college? These are the boring factors that you need to figure out, but what you really care about is how the parties and girls are? This is why I’m here I’m deep-diving into schools Reddits and asking people these hard-hitting questions. The next school I’m looking at is the University of Missouri, otherwise known as Mizzou.

Mizzou is located in Columbia, Missouri, and enrolls over 30,000 students. The Missouri Tigers play in the SEC. Mizzou has an 81% acceptance rate. According to Niche, the University of Missouri is ranked 31st for Greek Life, 37th for Best College Campuses, and has A+ for the party scene. According to my undercover research, I don’t know how I feel about that A+.

To get the conversation going, I ask some simple questions, so the person doesn’t get scared away.

As I keep going with this Undercover Troll series, my fake names will keep getting more and more ridiculous. For Mizzou, the fake name is Blaze Lennard. This doesn’t look like it’s getting off to the best start; yes starts with that college has been more school than making friends.

As soon as I saw that Mizzou offered digital storytelling, I knew that would be my fake major. Being an Undercover Troll is better than any digital storytelling class they can offer.

Hey, at least we figure out that Mizzou has a good P to V ratio. Already 0-1 for finding people who love to party.

Pd here is going for super senior status with also staying for law school. I’m not going to pretend to know how long law school is, but I’m assuming that Pd will be hanging out in Mizzou for a while.

Holy shit, people answer the questions. I’m blocking out half of your name, so don’t be afraid to share a little. As a college kid, you easily recognize if the school is more of an ass or tit school. I’m not asking for hard-hitting questions. It’s a college. I know that parties exist, but I want to know some details. Wait pd, so you’re telling me that college isn’t like what I’ve watched on tv? I figured that everything I watch on tv is exactly how real life is. Also, I love how he says it’s not like Accepted, which is literally about a fake college that kids make.

This is what every college kid really wants to do. Trying to figure out what you want to do with your life can be stressful, so why not party instead until you get old and have real responsibilities. German here never responded to my questions. I guess he didn’t enjoy my honesty and my hard-hitting questions.

This is the first girl that we’ve found for Undercover Troll. I feel like this is mostly because it’s Reddit, and I don’t imagine many girls spend much time on the site. Especially since the stereotype is that it’s filled with dudes chilling in their mom’s basement with neckbeards. Anyway, girl here sounds like she has pronouns in her Twitter bio, and if the admins aren’t going to allow partying, that’s something to protest about. But I’m guessing this isn’t what she is talking about.

At least we heard that the parties are wild; that’s a step in the right decision. If this were a real person, Blaze would have fun with that, but it sounds like girl isn’t about that life.

I love to waste hours of my life playing video games every day, but I’m not sure the first thing I would say about the school is a fun Nintendo festival. Not exactly the best start for the questions that I’m concerned about.

If you’re looking to get into greek life, it seems like Mizzou is a great place for that. PIa here saying that they would need to do a survey for these answers sounds creepy as fuck. I’m not looking for a scientific method to determine if the school is an ass or tit school. Saying that girls will be where girls are makes it sound like this dude has no idea where girls are and have never really talked to a girl. What kind of answer is that?

When I saw this question asked in the subreddit, I had to jump in and ask the important question. If you’re new to Reddit, they automatically give you an upvote when you post a comment. So in the 19 hours that my comment was posted, nobody else thought my question was funny or weren’t looking for the same secret bathroom.

This concludes the Undercover Troll for Mizzou; not a whole lot of information shared. For next week I’m going undercover at one of the biggest party schools, ASU. So, hopefully, we will find better answers next week.

What do you think?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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