For the first time, one of you degenerates finally gave me a recommendation. This is pretty ideal, considering that most Tuesday mornings, my dick looks like a sock full of ground beef that’s been thrown into a low-income New Jersey dog shelter. And as someone that’s been carrying this torch for months, I have to give props to the guy that recommended this pick because she certainly fits all qualifications for a Pornstar that deserves more shine. Ryan Ryans looks like a Peloton instructor who, after a sensual girl’s retreat overseas spent “discovering herself,” led her to leave her boyfriend in finance and give up the stationary bike for a double-sided dildo. Don’t believe me? Let’s check the tape.
Her most disliked video on PornHub still has a 73% approval rating. Imagine if the worst grade you ever got on a test was a “C”- that’s fucking talent. She’s been in the game for seven years, and I have good and bad news. From the looks of it, it seems like her best content is on OnlyFans; however, her OnlyFans is three dollars a month. Look, I know there’s a stigma around OnlyFans, but THREE DOLLARS. I spend three dollars every time I walk outside. Three dollars doesn’t even buy you a water bottle at a Yankees game, so yeah, there’s no shame in spending that money watching this ABSOLUTE ROCKET put an entire episode’s worth of Hoarders objects in her asshole. She currently sits at 793 on the PornHub top 1,000. Let’s boost her up lads 🤝.