Upsides to Dating Every Profession

My dating life is a struggle. Today I had a realization as to why this is true. It’s not because I’m bad at listening to people, and women especially. Or due to my mediocre-at-best looks. It’s certainly not because I opt to get high and watch movies instead of going to meet a human woman. It’s because I have been judging women off the wrong qualities. Here are the upsides to dating every profession–a noble way to choose a partner in life.


A nurse will likely be tired most of the time. This means that convincing them to do some bedroom cardio with you will come with an added challenge. That being said, they work weird hours. You can do whatever you want with that time. They’re also surgical at caring for the sick, so keep that in mind if your immune system leaves something to be desired.


Basically, all the same stuff about a nurse, but with more money. Men can be gold diggers too. As a matter of fact, men should gold dig a bit more. An east life is nice for all genders. 


You’d think a teacher would get their fix of being around children from their job, but no. They will want to have kids. That’s a lot of pressure for you. They are also aggressively friendly. The real upside here is that they have snacks, and fun arts and crafts on them at most times.

Anything Business Related

Women can do anything these days. I agree with that. I also would rather date someone objectively dumber than me for my self-esteem. As a result, business women have no upside in my opinion, except for the previously mentioned aspect of gold-digging.


They can probably get you drunk for free. They work weird hours, and so do you if you date a bartender. Dating a bartender is alcoholism, with sexual gratification. I think this might be my sweet spot.

OnlyFans Model

Despite needing a fake job to tell your grandmother–she grew up in a different era, cut her some slack–what your girlfriend does, this has few downsides. She’ll have enough money to make you the princess in the relationship. She also has a bunch of free time, as her job can be done by bringing her phone into her morning shower. Just don’t fight Dillon Danis, and her profession won’t be an issue for you. 

Rich Daughter

They have money. Their life is really easy. You can coast off of that lifestyle until she gets bored with you and picks someone who works at their father’s hedge fund. 

Artist (Singer, actor, etc.)

If you can talk to them the same way you pretended to analyze the movie you didn’t watch for your 9 am film class, you are golden. Just make enough to pay all of your bills, because this does not come with the financial freedoms of some of these other jobs. 

Livvy Dunne

You are the best pitching prospect since Stephen Strasburg.

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Written by TFM

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