Ways to Assert Dominance Over Your Professors

College classes aren’t easy for everyone, but they could be. You see, there’s this idea out there that professors are the ones who are in charge of the class. Personally, I never thought that was quite fair since they aren’t the ones paying to be there. Because of that, I always made sure to let that academic boner know I would be running things from day one. Here’s a list of the best ways to assert dominance over your professors.

Don’t Bother Enrolling in the Class

Unless you’re way ahead in credits, picking classes is almost always a nightmare. Sometimes they fill up really quickly or you need a prerequisite to get into the class, and no one wants to be on a waitlist. That’s why you should just find the classes you want to take, show up on the first day, and demand to be enrolled. If you cause a big enough scene, he’ll be so flustered that it will only take a few seconds for him to rush to his computer and put you in the class. Just make sure you know your student ID number.

Never Show Up On Time

After getting yourself into the class, the professor may start to think that he now has some kind of power over you, so it’s essential to put that silly idea to bed right away. Show up late to pretty much every class – maybe skip the first half – and then when you get there, have him recap what you missed. Eventually, he’ll start just waiting for you to arrive to begin the day’s lesson, which is exactly how it should be.

Chime In However You Please

Don’t forget, you’re paying good money your parents are paying for you to be in this class, which means that you can give whatever opinions you feel are relevant. Is this guy going on and on about some nonsense like how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740? Then tell him to shut the hell up and throw on an episode of Two and a Half Men.

You Decide Your Grade, Not the Professor

When it comes time for the first exam or project, be sure to let your professor know that you won’t be participating in it. Just explain that you’ve decided to receive an A in this class, so instead of wasting your time studying and working, you’ll be spending it doing something you enjoy, like watching the first few seasons of Two and A Half Men.

Test The Guy’s Knowledge

Some professors may not like your antics and think that they have some kind of shot at reigning back in control of the classroom. He may not know it, but this situation has gone full season nine of Two and a Half Men: he’s Charlie Sheen, and you’re Ashton Kutcher replacing him. So, if this joker tries to all of a sudden tell you what to do, demand his qualifications and quiz him on the subject he’s allegedly teaching. No matter what he says, tell him his answers are incorrect to get yourself back at the head of the food chain.

Demand Thanks at the End of the Semester

Much like the twelve-season run of Two and a Half Men, you will likely be wildly under-appreciated for the work you put in as the leader of your class. That’s why when it comes time to end the semester, it’s essential that you make sure the professor says thank you for everything you taught him. If he doesn’t want to do that, you may have to do something drastic. One good idea is to use a helicopter to drop a piano on his head. I got that one from the last scene of a little indie show called Two and a Half Men.

Hopefully this blog taught you a little something about how to assert dominance over your professors in college. I always try to leave a lesson of some kind in my blogs, much like there’s always a lesson to learn from an episode of Two and a Half Men.

A great image depicting a great show, Two and a Half Men
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Written by TFM

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