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We Care More About This

While responsible Americans are filling up their cars with gas like a hippie on a road trip, we college kids have our sights set on the real issue at hand… Click-fil-A.

Chick-fil-A has just announced that their sauce supply is like hitting on a freshman in a relationship, low. The company has begun rationing out their sauce giving “one dipping sauce cup per item ordered” and college students everywhere are demanding reparations for the absolutely horrid situation created by this disgusting company. “I can’t believe this!”, “We want our sauce back”, “This is worse than my dad getting cancer” are just some of the quotes I came up with in my head. First the cyber attacks, then the rising gas prices, and now this. We are truly in the endgame now.  

This comes as a surprise because sauce is what makes America… America.  America was built on sauces like ketchup, mustard, mayo, or basically anything that we can put on food to make it seem like we contributed to the making of it. Nobody eats a regular sandwich anymore. Every food is doused with gallons of some “special sauce” that is 90% of the time just ketchup and mayo. 

Also, how do you run out of sauce? What breaking bad wannabe broke into Chick-fil-A yesterday and rolled out their chicken jizz?

I feel like the only people who care about this are stoners who doordash every meal and woke girls on Twitter. I say woke girls on Twitter because they will not hesitate to stop any tweet about this shortage by saying “y’all are more worried about this than a nationwide gas shortage?🙄” and ironically making it a bigger deal than it just previously was. 

But hey that’s the internet… we care more about a fucking sauce than a gas shortage. 

And so do I.

What do you think?

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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