We Had A Real-Life Jesus Take The Wheel Happen

Do you remember the 2005 song Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood? This was right after Underwood won American Idol and was this sweet country singer. She was still 100% a smoke show, but it was an innocent smoke show singing about god before she was singing about taking a key to the side of a dude’s truck.

 A driver involved in a high-speed collision after she literally tried to “let God take the wheel” last month now faces multiple charges, Ohio police say.  On June 15, officers responded to an intersection in the city of Beachwood where a car had knocked down several power lines, a utility pole, and crashed into a house shortly before midnight. The woman told police that she intentionally drove at that high rate of speed and through the red light to “test her faith with God,” according to the report. She told police she’s been going through some “trials and tribulations” and was recently fired from her job. The woman said she “let go and let God take the wheel,” the police report said, adding that she believed she did the right thing.

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Hey, I’ve been fired from my job. Should I look for a different one instead? Maybe take this time to find what I’m passionate about and try to pursue a job in that? Fuck that. I’m going to go 100mph and let go of the wheel and see if God is with me here. This woman seems like a religious freak who believes that since she didn’t die, God is really with her, but instead, she got super fucking lucky.

One of my friends had this song on his iPod, and it didn’t matter where we were; we could be on the highway going 85, super backcountry roads in the middle of the night. When that chorus came on, and Carrie Underwood started singing Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands; he would let go of the steering wheel and start belting out the lyrics. We were dumb 17 years, but we even had the foresight to steer with our knees if shit hit the fan. My dumbass friend wasn’t the only one to do this. After the song was released, there were parodies that filled the internet and Vine.

P.S. I know that I made jokes about this and everything, but the scumbag who did it in real life had her 11-year-old daughter in the car with her. She thought it was okay to let God take the wheel while she was going 100mph with her daughter in the car, making her the biggest scum on planet earth. She is being charged with felony assault, endangering a child, and driving under suspension, of which she is guilty of all. Let’s see if God is on her side when Big Bertha grabs her by the back of the ponytail and tells her to munch on her carpet while she rots in jail.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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