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What Is The Worst Food To Keep In Your Pocket?

If you haven’t read Bobby or Grace’s blogs yet about how they both convinced the entire internet that Dixie D’Amelio kept a bag of baked beans in her pocket, what are you doing? We need to keep Beangate alive. I figured I would write a blog about the topic, but instead, I’m asking the question, what would be the worst food to keep in your pocket?

Let’s say that we live in an imaginary world where Mrs. Trusoz’s anxiety trick actually worked, and all you had to do was have a little plastic bag of your favorite food stuffed down your pocket. Having a bag of baked beans is bad; they would get all warm, you have the risk of the bag leaking and making it look like you’ve shit your pants, and the feeling of warm mushy beans in your pocket would be gross, but would it be the worst?

Any Sort Of Meat

It doesn’t matter how you cook meat; having it sit in your pocket all day would put off a gross stench. Not to mention what if your favorite food was hot dogs? You gonna have an entire hot dog just shoved down your pocket all day? “What are you excited to see me?” “Oh no, this I just love hot dogs, and having one in my pocket makes me feel less anxious.” And just like that, you’re the weird kid. We are including eggs and fish in this. I don’t think I need to say why you wouldn’t want fish in your pocket—nothing like walking around smelling like a gross vagina. Then with eggs, there’s a reason why, when describing something gross, you say it smells like rotten eggs.

Anything that has a lot of liquid

There’s a reason why Bobby’s baked beans made no sense, but was perfect; carrying around a bag with that much liquid is dangerous. Also a lot of liquid food or whatever is made with milk, and you don’t want a bag of curdling milk hanging out in your pocket. Mrs. Truscoz would not be happy if your favorite food was a milkshake.

Durian

You might know this food by the name, but you’ll know it as soon as you see a picture of it.

First of all, it would be impossible to shove an entire Durian in your pocket. So that means you have to cut it open, and I remember a couple of years ago, videos of people smelling the inside of this fruit would go super viral. There’s nothing like stinking up an entire room because of Durian in your pocket. Not to mention the spikes would stab the shit out of you every time you took a step.

Cheese

First of all, this shit would melt so fast in your pocket you would have cheese in areas you didn’t know existed in your pocket. As we said about dairy, this would smell so bad after a couple of hours. Combining the stickiness of warm melted cheese and the smell, this would be horrible. Even if you put it in a bag, there’s no way a bag could contain the smell and stickiness.

What do you think?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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