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What I’ve Learned Two Days into Spring Break

Last week Bobby put out a blog that detailed some general rules of thumb for spring break. I should have listened to him, but on my third day of spring break I’ve picked up a few general rules to stick by as well.

Don’t look at your bank account

I knew that I’d be spending a lot of money on spring break, but this morning I made the poor decision of checking my bank statement to see that I have already spent what I had allotted for the full seven days. It’s best to wait until you’re back at school before checking how poor you are. It’s been a tough day for me after seeing that I am going to have to start an OnlyFans if I want to be able to pay my fraternity dues this semester.

Pregame harder than usual

I will never complain about the price of bars on campus ever again. Never. The only way I can accurately describe the prices of the bars at this resort is this: borderline ass-rape. It’s always a good idea to make sure you’re at a point that you don’t need to buy many drinks when you get to the bar, but it’s almost essential to be at the point where you don’t need to buy any on spring break. Otherwise, you’ll spend $47 on two vodka sodas and end up broke and sober.

No one cares about a fake at a resort

I haven’t been carded a single time since getting to Florida, and the girl that did is using her friends old fake that says she’s twenty-five. Just show up with something that says that you’re twenty-one and you’ll be perfectly fine. They want their tips just as much as you want to get drunk.

Don’t get roped in to getting up early

The girls that we’re staying with this week have been up before 9am every day so far to “get the most out of the time.” Fuck that. You’re on goddamn vacation, so sleep until noon and don’t listen to anyone that says you’re wasting your time by being a degenerate all day. That’s what spring break is for.

If you didn’t catch it, I’m slowly going bankrupt this week. My Venmo is @tmoxey. Anything helps.

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Written by TFM

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