Mailman Dave
The 76ers once again collapsed in the playoffs, and the person who’s getting the biggest blame is Ben Simmons. For good reasons, in-game seven, he scored a whopping 5 points. It looked like he rather chop off his arm rather than shoot the basketball.
Everybody in Philly blames Simmons for the loss, and Philly fans are ready to drive Simmons to the airport. They don’t care where he’s going as long as it’s not in Philly. So let’s try and figure out where the 76ers should send Simmons.
Australia
Simmons is from Australia, and Philly fans are ready to deport him back to his home country. The 76ers don’t even care if they get anything back. They are ready to send Simmons back to the country full of fire tornados, gigantic spiders, and animals that are ready to kill you at any moment. Australia has its own basketball league called the NBL. The MVP of this year was Bryce Cotton. Cotton had a couple of stints in the NBA but was never able to stay on a team. The 76ers are ready to trade Simmons for Cotton straight up.
A Slice of Pizza
Not an entire pizza; Simmons isn’t worth that much. We are going with one slice of pizza. This isn’t even a super fancy slice of pizza. Simmons is a Sbarro or Little Caesar’s slice. I know Joel Embiid would take this trade. He’s a big fan of food and clearly hates Simmons now.
A Bag Of Chips
I don’t even care what kind of chips these are as long as the bag is full of 70% air; that’ll work out perfectly. Simmons is all air; people will convince themselves that he can be a great player, he is a Defensive Player of the Year candidate, can run an entire offense, and is a 7-foot athletic freak. He refuses to shoot and is as useless as a poopy-flavored lollipop in the 4th quarter.
Gordan Hayward
Alright, now that the jokes are all gone, here are some real players that the 76ers can get for Ben Simmons. This would be perfect for both teams. The Hornets are an up-and-coming team with LaMelo, Terry Rozier, and Bridges. The Hornets starting five could be LaMelo, Terry Rozier, Devonte’ Graham, Miles Bridges, and Ben Simmons. This would surround Simmons with great shooting; he would be their defensive anchor and would be a run and gun team that Simmons needs. For the 76ers Gordan Hayward isn’t a point guard but is a great playmaker. When the paint collapses in the 4th quarter, Hayward could get those midrange buckets that the 76ers desperately need. Both Simmons and Hayward make near the same money so that the trade would work.
CJ McCollum
Another offseason which means another trade for CJ to leave Portland. With Portland firing their coach, this would be the perfect offseason to blow things up. For the 76ers, CJ can get his own buckets, which is what they desperately need. I 100% understand why Philly would make this trade, but I don’t know why Portland would make this trade. Dame and Simmons together are meh at best. Their defense would improve, but unless Nurkic is going to leave Nurkic and Simmons together doesn’t make sense. Maybe if you’re Portland, you try something crazy before Dame’s prime is over.
I know that everybody wants Philly to trade Simmons, but I won’t believe it until Simmons is actually gone. Do you think that the 76ers will actually pull the trigger and trade Ben Simmons, this offseason?
