What The Shampoo You Use Says About You

Women have so many options when it comes to hair care. I mean Target alone has like two full aisles of women’s shampoos and conditioners. But when you get to the men’s section, there are like six bottles of 2-in-1 to choose from. That’s partly due to discrimination, but also because men are simple creatures. With about 95% accuracy, I can tell what type of shampoo someone uses just by looking at them. Here’s what your shampoo says about you.

Dove Men’s

You are trying to look grown up by putting in the least amount of effort possible.

Suave 3-in-1

You are all about efficiency. Which is weird because you are also the type of person whose 5 second rule is more like a 25 second rule.

Head and Shoulders

You’re way too insecure about dandruff that no one ever sees. Be easier on yourself, champ.

Old Spice

If you have Old Spice anywhere in your house odds are you also have Axe body spray, a small penis, and your virginity.

Every Man Jack

You are a man’s man. You can build a tent, grow a full beard within a day, and properly satisfy your wife. I wish I was you.


When you were in middle school your barber told you to use this so you would buy a $30 bottle of shampoo from him. You have apparently never stopped.


You grew up with a sister and it’s kind of your biggest personality trait.


You’ve been rocking the “Joe from Impractical Jokers” cut since high school.

Anything Else

You and your boyfriend share both shampoo and a yorkie.

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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