Bobby D'Angelo
Striped Summer Dress Girl From The Northeast:
She went to a liberal arts college that’s acceptance rate is lower than Terrance Mann’s three-point percentage, she has a close relationship with her Dad who looks like he should be a college football coach even though he works in finance, and when Grandma dies, she’s getting a big check. She’s smart, and career-focused, but you wouldn’t be able to tell if you sat at the table across from her and her friends as they get hammered at brunch. She likes a nice lobster roll, and she fell in love with the West Coast the one time she visited her friend out there, but as evident from her many Instagram photos taken on a dock, she’ll never leave the East Coast. She’s very particular about her matches and if she gets the green flags from you and it ends up going somewhere, be careful because her Dad’s handshake grip is as tight as a 2017 episode of Call Her Daddy claimed their grip was.
Formal Photo With A Slight Edit:
This is a girl who goes to a southern school and has stars in her Instagram bio. She loves getting a little wild after a few RBVs, but when a Zach Bryan song hits and she’s pacing around her room late at night, at that moment, she wouldn’t mind settling down. Two of her photos are from different formals, in which she got her spray tan at the right time and looked neither orange nor pale. When something happens in the US, and other girls are posting infographics, she’s still hitting the Instagram feed with a song by some overweight bearded guy who sings like an angel. If you get the match, you’re a lucky guy because from there, it’s psalms, bongs, and a hot Mom.
City Girl Smoking A Cigarette:
In pretty much every single city apart from Miami, you will find a girl wearing a leather jacket smoking a cig on a mo-ped with a song from the Strokes in her Tinder bio within your first five swipes. And this type of girl, along with the girl whose profile is just made up of hot selfies in which her arm tattoo is noticeably present, these are the wild cards. They might be in Antifa and take you to sweaty basements where drug-fueled people that all look like the slightly more homeless version of Jake Gyllenhaal listen to underground bands, or they might have more Reddit Karma than your entire group chat combined and have some Jack Del Rio esque takes about a certain hoedown throwdown in January.
The Fitness Guru:
Look, man, this girl is not on Tinder to find love. You’re ripping a burnt vape and have barbecue sauce on the bottom left side of your shirt, and she has eleven-thousand followers on Instagram. She’s just trying to get you to follow her on Instagram by making you think you have a chance so she can get a code from Manscaped.
