What You Need to Know About Your Girlfriend and Joe Burrow

ORCHARD PARK, NEW YORK - JANUARY 22: Joe Burrow #9 of the Cincinnati Bengals looks on against the Buffalo Bills during the third quarter in the AFC Divisional Playoff game at Highmark Stadium on January 22, 2023 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Timothy T Ludwig/Getty Images)

The NFL playoffs are the time of year for broken TVs and broken parlays. But if you don’t due diligence, you may end up with a broken heart at the hands of none other than Joe Burrow.

Let’s be honest, your girlfriend has never been into sports. In fact, she has a vendetta against your relationship with sports. Your date nights are dependent on whether or not Kirk Cousins will throw for over 250 yards and March will drive that woman into madness. So fellas, don’t you think it’s a little weird, just a tiny bit off, how your girlfriend gets super into Bengals games?

The AFC Championship is this Sunday with the Chiefs hosting the Bengals at Arrowhead. The much anticipated game has the public at odds on which star team will be heading to Arizona in February. And let me just tell you, brother, that your girlfriend is slamming Bengals ML, because that fucker Joe Burrow has her in more heat than her high school track career.

Face it, besides his ability to throw absolute dimes and solidify himself as one of the top quarterbacks in the league in recent years, Joe Burrow has some disgusting rizz. Your girlfriend is watching that man walk into the stadium, just dripped head to toe in the nonsense that wardrobe fitted him in… and she LOVES that shit, she will eat it up all day. Next time you and blondie decide to cuddle up, I want you to know that all she’s thinking about is number 9.

Gentlemen, this Sunday, pay attention to how your girlfriend reacts to the outcome of the game. If that chick is going absolute gorilla titties that the Bengals won, you may need to have a heart-to-heart with her about your future. Joey Cool is enemy numero uno.

Written by Matty Ice

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