Alex Becker
Miami
Your favorite word is “daddy” because it explains both the person responsible for your credit card expenses and your lingering UTI.
UNC
Either you are from in-state and wear those sandals that loop around your big toe or you are on the basketball team.
NC State
The only reason you are here is to learn how to grow tobacco.
Clemson
You’re racist everyday other than Saturday. Unless it’s a bye week, then also Saturday.
Florida State
You’re either hispanic or hate anyone who is. Either way, your favorite party drug is bath salts.
Georgia Tech
You may have never touched a boob, but at least you can 3-D print one.
Duke
Either you’re as thin and white as the cocaine you snort before your Econ exam or you’re asian. Either way, this is your first time in North Carolina.
Notre Dame
You are what Europeans think of when they think of America: just a bunch football loving, Jesus worshiping, NRA members.
Syracuse
You’re so spoiled you can’t even attend outdoor football games.
Virginia
Even if you somehow aren’t white, you are still related to Thomas Jefferson.
Virginia Tech
You are constantly wondering both what a hokie is and what tech stands for.
Pitt
You visit Penn State on the weekends to feel what it’s like to have a legitimate football program.
Boston College
The only thing you’re good at is loving Jesus and you’re not even the best in the division at that.
Wake Forest
You are one of the few people left who continues to wear Vineyard Vines regularly but it works for you because your father owns a lake house that you constantly invite girls to as a pickup line.
Louisville
Your grandma is sweeter than her own homemade sweet tea, but she’ll shoot a bitch over a pecan pie recipe.
