I truly believe that I can tell exactly what I need to know about a person by the beer that they are drinking. There’s just something about the can that you’re holding that gives away loads of information about you without me having to converse with you for even a second, so read this and make better decisions.
Natty
You’re either in high school or genuinely enjoy the taste of it. Both are huge red flags in my opinion.
Busch
You are either cheap or racist. Or both. It’s usually both.
Bud
You’re normal, but everyone knows you would rather be drinking something else.
Miller
You have slightly more money in your weekly beer budget than most people, and you enjoy flexing it.
Michelob Ultra
You can’t taste the difference between this and Bud Light, but you tell everyone you can because you’re just that big of an asshole.
Coors
You are probably are definitely a sex offender. We all wish you’d take a “silver bullet” straight to the cock.
Blue Moon
You’re doing this because you like to be different, and it’s really fucking annoying.
Heineken
You spend too much time drinking with your dad when you’re at home.
Corona
We get it, you’re rich.
PBR
You stepped up from Natty, but at the same time, you really fucking didn’t.
Guinness
There’s something fundamentally wrong with your understanding of what’s acceptable on a college campus.
Rolling Rock
You just like the way it looks. And honestly, you’re right.
Sierra Nevada
You user a D-Lineman when you play Madden, and you think that it’s a good strategy.
Landshark
We all know you can’t afford to be drinking Corona, but you’d really like to be able to.
Lucky Streak
The concussion you got in tenth grade was left untreated.
IPA
We all know some of them taste good, but you’re proving to be a more and more of a pretentious douche with every sip you take.
Seltzers
You have a vagina.
Bud Light Lime
You work writing blogs for TFM, and you spent the last half hour insulting every other beer so that you could tell the people reading this that BLL’s are the greatest beer ever made.
