What Your Beer of Choice Says About You

I truly believe that I can tell exactly what I need to know about a person by the beer that they are drinking. There’s just something about the can that you’re holding that gives away loads of information about you without me having to converse with you for even a second, so read this and make better decisions.


You’re either in high school or genuinely enjoy the taste of it. Both are huge red flags in my opinion.


You are either cheap or racist. Or both. It’s usually both.


You’re normal, but everyone knows you would rather be drinking something else.


You have slightly more money in your weekly beer budget than most people, and you enjoy flexing it.

Michelob Ultra

You can’t taste the difference between this and Bud Light, but you tell everyone you can because you’re just that big of an asshole.


You are probably are definitely a sex offender. We all wish you’d take a “silver bullet” straight to the cock.

Blue Moon

You’re doing this because you like to be different, and it’s really fucking annoying.


You spend too much time drinking with your dad when you’re at home.


We get it, you’re rich.


You stepped up from Natty, but at the same time, you really fucking didn’t.


There’s something fundamentally wrong with your understanding of what’s acceptable on a college campus.

Rolling Rock

You just like the way it looks. And honestly, you’re right.

Sierra Nevada

You user a D-Lineman when you play Madden, and you think that it’s a good strategy.


We all know you can’t afford to be drinking Corona, but you’d really like to be able to.

Lucky Streak

The concussion you got in tenth grade was left untreated.


We all know some of them taste good, but you’re proving to be a more and more of a pretentious douche with every sip you take.


You have a vagina.

Bud Light Lime

You work writing blogs for TFM, and you spent the last half hour insulting every other beer so that you could tell the people reading this that BLL’s are the greatest beer ever made.

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Written by TFM

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