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What Your DoorDash Order Says About You

Besides the ridiculous fees, DoorDash is probably one of the greatest inventions of the last decade, especially for college students that lack a solid understanding of how to budget their money. But, not all DoorDash orders are created equally. Here’s what your order says about you: 

McDonald’s 

Seriously? There are over 13,000 McDonald’s in the United States, and you’re gonna pay an extra fifteen dollars so you can have a twenty-piece nuggie and seven chocolate chip cookies delivered to your house? Just walk next time. 

Jimmy John’s

If you order Jimmy John’s on DoorDash, you must be one of the most patient people on planet earth. I don’t care what anyone says, their slogan is bullshit. Every time I order Jimmy John’s, I seriously could’ve gone to my local grocery store, bought all the ingredients for my sandwich, come back home, make the sandwich, and my Dasher would still be twenty minutes away. 

Chick-fil-A

Smart man (or woman). Chick-fil-A takes incredible pride in its product, regardless of whether or not you’re sitting in the restaurant or ordering it from miles away. You value your time and your money, so it only makes sense to order a spicy chicken sandwich and some waffle fries. Maybe a shake too. 

(Insert Local Restaraunt)

Although you keep telling yourself you are “supporting small businesses” by ordering food from a local restaurant through DoorDash, you really just don’t want to cook. It’s alright though, at least you are a contributing member of society, unlike the McDonald’s people. 

Burger King 

Who the fuck eats at Burger King?

Five Guys 

You are loaded. Absolutely filthy rich. If I ordered a regular cheeseburger and fries from Five Guys on DoorDash, I’d probably have to Venmo request my mother so I can eat again during the week. In spite of their clear price-gouging, Five Guys does make a fire burger.

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Written by the godfather

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