What Your Favorite Type of Tomato Says About You

Red tomatoes with cut isolated on white background

Tomatoes either suck complete ass or kick ass. Tomatoes, like bitches, come in all different shapes, sizes, and personalities. I am here to tell you about how your favorite type of tomato is reflective on what type of person you are.

Beefsteak tomatoes:

Classic, dope tomato. You can cut those Johnsons up into some fine slices and throw them onto a cheeseburger. You can never go wrong with a beefsteak. I mean it’s the creme de le creme of tomatoes.

Cherry tomatoes:

Okay, that’s fine. Maybe some balsamic vinegar and olive oil and you make for a great healthy snack. Nothing great about you, but nothing bad either.

Heirloom tomatoes:

Fuck off.

Roma tomatoes:

You make for a fire bolognese. Almost better than a beefsteak tomato.

Kumato tomatoes:


Big Zebra tomatoes:

Even weider!

Be a good tomato, not a weird tomato.

I honestly cannot think of anymore tomatoes. Peace.

Written by Matty Ice

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