What Your Fraternity Says About You: TKE

What do Ronald Reagan, Willie Nelson, and Terry Bradshaw have in common? Yes, multiple wives, but more importantly, TKE. TKE is a lot like Wawa; it’s a great place to stumble in drunk to, it’s prevalent on the East Coast, and if you knock on the right guy’s door, he might even present you with a secret menu. TKE has more chapters than the klan in the ’60s; not clash, the bad clan, but their chapters are relatively small. Apart from the Pac-12 and some Big-10 Schools, PCs can be like twenty kids or less. If your school isn’t making the tournament, your TKE chapter will be roughly the size of an NFL team. Some might say this is bad, but I’m afraid I have to disagree. It’s why you don’t really find much of the petty, vindictive girl shit at TKE. If there’s beef between two people, it gets handled Tyler Durden style in a sticky basement with asbestos. 

I like TKE because they don’t have much pride, and that’s okay. The average TKE spends more time looking for the baggy that he dropped on the floor than he does flexing. TKEs are the guys you want to be dating your girlfriend’s best friend. He’s a good guy, but he doesn’t do too much. He doesn’t walk into a room expecting all the attention like a PIKE, but he doesn’t make you uncomfortable to be around like a Phi Kap. A TKE is just a kid that kind of sits there high scrolling on Tinder until his fingers cramp, then occasionally nudges you on the shoulder and goes yooo check this girl out. It’s the Lamarcus Aldridge of Fraternities: is it an All-Star some years? Yeah. Does it do too many stimulants and have to sit out with a heart condition? Also yeah. Is it someone you’d want on your team, yeah. 

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