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What Your Major Says About You

Four years in college taught me how to generalize an entire group of people based on what they are studying. It also taught me other things, but those other things aren’t nearly as relevant right now.

Business

You watched The Wolf of Wall Street junior year of high school and developed a tight relationship with through-the-nose narcotics a few years later.

Nursing

You are a woman. It’s also quite possible you might also be a man, but it’s far more likely that you are a woman.

Psych

You wanted to have a “science” major, but you also didn’t feel like working very hard. A major in psychology gave you the opportunity to do just that.

Bio

You’ll complain about the fact that you have to be up on Friday mornings for a four hour lab, and everyone else will complain about you.

Engineering

You heard college would be fun, but they clearly weren’t talking about people that picked your major. Have fun in the library.

Communication

You have zero passion about academics, but this one seemed like the easiest option out of majors that might land you a job.

Criminal Justice

You haven’t been to law school, but you’re going to, which means you feel very comfortable offering up meaningless explanations of political scandals that no one cares about.

Computer Science

No one cares that you built that P.C. on your desk – like not at all. Get a Mac like the rest of us and stop bragging.

Art

No one knows why you did it, but at eighteen you made a wild decision to waste over $100,000 of your parents’ money. 

Chemistry

You’ll end up getting a Ph. D., but the only time you’ll step foot in a hospital is when you get punched for trying to get people to address you as “Doctor.” Get over yourself. 

Film

You’ll spend four years convincing yourself that you’re the next Tarantino until a harsh reality of unemployment causes you to rethink all of your career choices.

Philosophy

You consider yourself a thoughtful and intelligent person. Other people consider you pompous and really freaking annoying.

Math

You’ll hate your academic life, but when you come up with a formula that gives you a leg up on MLB betting, you’ll be pleased with how easy it became to pay off your student loans.

Political Science

You got really excited by AP US Gov. in your senior year of high school. Now you don’t have many options except law school, and you’re not too thrilled about it.

Education

You’ve convinced yourself that you’re so passionate about teaching that the fact that you’ll be underpaid and underappreciated for the rest of your life doesn’t matter.

English

I guess you spend four years getting a degree to make poop jokes on a college comedy website and not much else.

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Written by TFM

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