Four years in college taught me how to generalize an entire group of people based on what they are studying. It also taught me other things, but those other things aren’t nearly as relevant right now.
Business
You watched The Wolf of Wall Street junior year of high school and developed a tight relationship with through-the-nose narcotics a few years later.
Nursing
You are a woman. It’s also quite possible you might also be a man, but it’s far more likely that you are a woman.
Psych
You wanted to have a “science” major, but you also didn’t feel like working very hard. A major in psychology gave you the opportunity to do just that.
Bio
You’ll complain about the fact that you have to be up on Friday mornings for a four hour lab, and everyone else will complain about you.
Engineering
You heard college would be fun, but they clearly weren’t talking about people that picked your major. Have fun in the library.
Communication
You have zero passion about academics, but this one seemed like the easiest option out of majors that might land you a job.
Criminal Justice
You haven’t been to law school, but you’re going to, which means you feel very comfortable offering up meaningless explanations of political scandals that no one cares about.
Computer Science
No one cares that you built that P.C. on your desk – like not at all. Get a Mac like the rest of us and stop bragging.
Art
No one knows why you did it, but at eighteen you made a wild decision to waste over $100,000 of your parents’ money.
Chemistry
You’ll end up getting a Ph. D., but the only time you’ll step foot in a hospital is when you get punched for trying to get people to address you as “Doctor.” Get over yourself.
Film
You’ll spend four years convincing yourself that you’re the next Tarantino until a harsh reality of unemployment causes you to rethink all of your career choices.
Philosophy
You consider yourself a thoughtful and intelligent person. Other people consider you pompous and really freaking annoying.
Math
You’ll hate your academic life, but when you come up with a formula that gives you a leg up on MLB betting, you’ll be pleased with how easy it became to pay off your student loans.
Political Science
You got really excited by AP US Gov. in your senior year of high school. Now you don’t have many options except law school, and you’re not too thrilled about it.
Education
You’ve convinced yourself that you’re so passionate about teaching that the fact that you’ll be underpaid and underappreciated for the rest of your life doesn’t matter.
English
I guess you spend four years getting a degree to make poop jokes on a college comedy website and not much else.
