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What Your Spiked Seltzer Says About You

I am here to tell you the things you need to know….


You are THAT bitch. Gucci belt? Check. Some sort of expensive purse that cost more than your roommates car? Check. You did the pro move of trading out your college mattress for an expensive Tempur-Pedic. Monogramed towels? Check. Your mother wears Lululemon, does pilates, and likes to comment on your weight. You chew ice for stress management. You are the Blair Waldorf of your friend group and no one messes with you.


You are the life of the party. You shop at thrift stores. At some point, you might live in a van and travel the states. You listen to artists before they go mainstream, and you love to tell people that.


You are the hottest girl at the party. You are wearing the tiniest top. You probably have extensions or purple hair or fake boobs. People love you. You hang out with mostly guys…. but it’s forgivable because you are super nice. You just have intimacy issues with having close girl friends because you had a super bitchy friend turn on you growing up.


You got Hockey players and old bachelor contestants in your DMS. You post thirst traps and you love to flirt. BUT you are the nicest, most loyal friend of all time. You would never flirt with a friends ex. You are so loyal and people judge you for being super hot and flaunting it, but bitch do you. You have a lot of instagram followers and have brand deal with Abercrombie.

Written by Sofía Viagra

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