What Your Summer Job Says About You

21 year old male, posing as a lifeguard at Jacobs Aquatic Center, wearing lifeguard shirt and holding lifeguard's rescue buoy.

Whether you’re interning in finance or carrying someone’s golf bag this summer, your occupation can say a lot about you. That being said, everyone is different and most internships are gotten based on who you know or pure luck. I understand that not everyone can be as lucky as me to intern for a company like Total Frat Move, but don’t get your panties in a bunch if you are stuck delivering pizzas this summer. There is always next year. 

Finance Internship

Finance bros are bred in the summer and there is no doubt about that. These interns, the pledges of wall street, get an in-depth look at what it means to count beans for a living. Whether you intern in markets or investment banking chances are the only thing you’ll be learning about this summer is how extensive the Starbucks menu truly is. You probably still don’t know the difference between a stock and a bond, but getting paid $30 an hour to pick up people’s coffee is still a sweet gig.

Golf caddy

If you’re a golf caddy you either never go to work or won’t shut up about how much some rich dude paid you to carry his putter. Golf is your newfound obsession and you just spent $500 on a top of the line range finder. If you’re a good friend you hook up all your homies with golf balls because your collection is extensive. When your tarp is off it still looks like you have a shirt on because your farmer’s tan is so out of control. At the end of the day, your family probably belongs to the club you caddy at so you’re pretty much paying 20 grand a year to hunt balls and carry a middle-aged woman’s putter for 5 miles. 

Delivery Driver

Whether you distribute pizza or Chinese food chances are you sell a few other things. Whether it’s plants, pills, or powder your income is under the radar and no one knows how much you truly make especially not Uncle Sam. If you’re a homie you hook the lads up with deals and leftovers from the end of the night, but chances are they’re not gonna tip that much anyway. Whatever your specialty is you keep the boys supplied all summer long and are a necessary element of a vibrant economy. 

Just taking classes

Whether it’s remote or in person, those of you who somehow swindled your parents into letting you take summer classes are lucky bastards. If you got to stay in your college town, you will probably find a newfound love for your college town residents that call your drinking playground home all year round. If you are taking classes from home your summer might start out phenomenal but that will all change when your mom realizes that your experiencing dance class doesn’t take up much of your time. You’re the guy that keeps the delivery driver in business and are probably the only reason he is able to sustain his lifestyle of hotboxing his Honda Civic. 

Life Guard

If your summer job is being a lifeguard chances are you put up exemplary numbers with the females this past semester. The only thing that helped you maintain your 2.5 gpa this past semester was the study babes you met out at the bar. The first thing you check every morning is the UV index and the best part about your job is that you can do it while you’re beyond hung over. Sadly, your skinny boy abs are nothing more than fat girl tits and you will never end up making a move on that milf of a housewife who brings her kid by the pool every day. To sum it up, you get paid minimum wage to watch a concrete wasteland of ice pops and chaffed-up children. 

Written by Brady White

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