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Who Remembers Sleepovers?

One of the best times I had as a kid was going to sleepovers. Soda, R-rated movies, and whatever version of Super Smash Bros was available were essential to any good sleepover. From what I remember, the whole goal of a sleepover as a kid was to try and stay up as long as possible. It was like a competition to see who was the strongest and who was gonna have dicks drawn on their faces first. I remember one of my friends accidentally using a sharpie on another friend’s face so the next week at school he had to wear a hat because the most middle school drawing of a penis was on his forehead. 

For me, sleepovers meant it was time to dust off any and all jokes in an attempt to make every single person in the room physically cackle. I would make it my goal to be completely on at all times and do absolutely anything for a joke. 

Another goal of sleepovers was trying not to piss off the parents. I don’t think we as kids realized how much it fucking sucks as a parent during sleepovers. In charge of 4-10, middle school boys for upwards of 6 hours could not have been any fun whatsoever. I can barely watch my 2 younger sisters for a night without thinking about ways to make them cry. I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that every single parent at every sleepover I went to was shitfaced the entire time. Avoiding parents while trying to be loud and funny because, as we all know, loud equals funny. 

I hated the sleepovers where things got awkward. Someone invited someone from a different friend group and it’s way too obvious. There were some sleepovers that I remember being solely for the purpose of cheering up my friend. That’s right. A group of parents got together and thought it was a good idea to put 6 middle school best friends in a room with a person 5 of them have never met. Sleepovers aren’t for meeting new people, they are for your friends who you can fart on without any remorse.

What do you think?

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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