Why I Trust Patrick Mahomes’ Ankle More Than the US Government

SINGAPORE - FEBRUARY 09: A United States Air Force F-22 Raptor fighter jet performs an aerial display during the Singapore Airshow media preview on February 9, 2020 in Singapore. (Photo by Suhaimi Abdullah/Getty Images)

Holy shit, first of all, what an insane game last night. The turf was trippin’ everyone up, Ju-Ju made some insane receptions in the second half, and PATRICK MAHOMES’ ANKLE somehow withstood the test of time. So why can I trust Mahomes’ ankle ligaments more than the US government?

The mystery surrounding the United States shooting down balloons has puzzled the country and the world. Whatever, if they were from China? Kablamo. But when the White House says they have no clue if they were of “extraterrestrial origin” or not, that is absolutely bizarre.

The government has always turned a blind eye towards UFOs or UAPs or whatever the hell they’re called, but literally within the last 7 months, they have started to be like “hey, yeah aliens might be real or something.”

You know what I trust more than that? Patty motherfuckin’ Mahomes rushing 44 yards on that fucked right ankle of his. What an absolute tank. That man limped off to the sidelines during before the second half and came back to win 38 to 35 like Houdini.

Can an F-22 Raptor rush 44 yards with one engine? I mean yeah, probably, it’s a $250 million aircraft with more stealth than DeVonta Smith.

Honestly just have Mahomes’ launch an absolute dime at the balloons or ET phone homes or whatever they are and we could probably save a metric tit ton of tax payer money on sidewinder missiles. Either that or show the aliens Jackson Mahomes’ Tik Toks and they’ll peace out ASAP.

Written by Matty Ice

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