Why (In Theory) I Prefer Trans Porn

In all honesty, I’ve never watched trans porn. I figure you probably don’t believe me based on what I chose to title this blog, but it’s the truth. Just hear me out, though. I think if you give me the chance to at least explain myself, you’ll understand why (in theory) I would prefer trans porn to the regular stuff.

Look at this way: in most videos made for serial masturbators like you and me, there’s a guy and a girl. I won’t go into too much graphic detail, but you know how the video shakes out. There’s a little story going where an under-appreciated step-mother is desperate for physical affection, and she discovers that her husband’s son from a different marriage has returned from college in great shape and with more between his legs than she ever realized. They get naked, lick each other’s buttholes, and I’m not really sure what happens after because I rarely make it past the foreplay. Now just think about it. Fifty percent of what you just savagely rubbed yourself to is a man. Bit gay, no? This is where trans porn comes in.

Now picture this: the step-son is a step-they/them. It’ll make some of the dialogue a little bit harder to follow, but let’s be honest, the plot of these things isn’t really that dependent on great writing. We just want to know why the story went from a quick back rub to full penetration. I’m straying from my point. What I mean is that if we get an old school woman on screen (by old school I’m referring to the archaic definition of female, “a person born with breasts and a vagina”), and have her banging someone with a dick and tits, the ratio of boobs to dick has gone from 2:1 to 4:1, which has to be straighter than watching standard man-in-woman videos.

Again, this is just my theory. I’ve never had the bravery to test it out. I recently saw Andrew Santino do stand-up, and he explained this trans porn dilemma in a perfect way: it’s just bonus tits. I’d like to give a big shoutout to him because if he hadn’t been brave enough to talk about it, I probably would have stayed too scared to voice my own thoughts on the matter. I’ll probably never work up the nerve to put my hypothesis through the scientific method, but I’m comfortable enough with myself to tell tens of people that this is a thought I’ve had for a long time. I’m assuming a lot of you are probably punching air and accusing me of drinking Bud Light about now, but that’s on you. In my eyes, what I’m talking about is way straighter than whatever it is you’re pleasuring yourself to. 

I guess the straightest way to J.O. is strictly watching girl-on-girl, but if you were trying to meet somewhere in the middle, I don’t see why trans porn couldn’t be the best option. I’m just asking the questions, man.